Saturday 28 April 2018

Session 178 - A Song of Ice and Fire

Congratulations to Carter who has experienced his first character death! A tragic rune accident claimed the noble sailor-cleric. Alas.

Also, Team POWERVESSEL's first loss at the races! Beaten by newcomers the Fragmentalists no less, what an upset!

POWERLAD is kicked off a boat
Galaxy Johnson's fiancee bites the shaft.
Sir Robyn's kids grow up.
Meric chills out.


Charles wins memes




Session 178 - A Song of Ice and Fire

Campaign Date:
Monday, 8 March, 1601
Moon Phase: Third Quarter
Zodiac: Aquarius

New Backstory:
- Meric was forced to murder a sailor who had gone mad and was steering their ship towards the shoals. The sailor didn't listen to reason, so Meric lashed a cannonball to the guy's leg and kicked it overboard. If he knew what Meric knew, he'd know it had to be done. (+1 Backstab)

Enemies Defeated:
- A boatful of blank-faced clay demons (150 exp)
Total: 150 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- Sadly not much
Total: 0 exp

Exploration:
- 1 Random Encounter (50 exp)
Total: 50 exp

Events:
- The morning opens to a remarkably calm day on the magma moat. It's a lovely day for a spot of crystal boating. I sure hope this isn't some sort of calm before the storm situation. (50 exp)
- Shady Dave and Elena are introduced to each other for the first time. As of next month Honey Healing and Blood Honey 4 U will be united under the Blood Honey Healing For You conglomerate, and their fortunes will influence each other! Hurrah for diversification! (50 exp)


- Galaxy Johnson comes back into consciousness in Arach-Nacha's web-filled room. He gently nudges "Andromeda" awake. Her eyes open and she looks at him in horror, screaming in confusion before her pupils split four ways and she relaxes into Arach-Nacha's voice. (50 exp)
- This is normal. Galaxy Johnson has similar experiences with Coalminer Dan. This is totally fine. (50 exp)
- He asks her if he's going to give birth to more spider babies soon (no) and whether she'd be willing to bite a tentacle to see what happens (of course!). He asks her age and she evades, mildly hurt. (50 exp)
- With no particularly pressing issues, it looks like today's going to be a day for everyone to sort of do their own thing.
--- Meric learns much
- Meric hunts for a book on "the Deluvial Dragon", following a lead from Galaxy Johnson who's pretty sure that's what the Light Dragon is called. (50 exp)
- After some time searching through the stacks with Bertha's librarian help, they find something. Atrahasis, Deluvial Dragon. Exactly what they were looking for! (50 exp)
- He reads it and discovers a few things, somewhat confusing. The seat of the dragon's power, presumably where it is right now, is in the Arctic. Can the Light Dragon's power be bound at a distance? Irrelevant. Something about that question means it can't be answered by this book. (50 exp)
- He also carves many intricate runes into the heads of large nails, making sure to start charging a Take-Cold-Cold glyph that begins drawing ambient cold into it from the surrounding air. What could go wrong? (50 exp)
--- 
Sir Robyn looks after his shitty kids
- Sir Robyn spends the day with his spider children. They're going through spider puberty and they're fascinated with bad boy drug dealer Shady Dave who they think is just the coolest, even though Sir Robyn knows he's a total waster. Kids amirite. (50 exp)
- On the plus side, his swarm of adopted adolescents has grown up enough to officially become a swarm of spider Extras. Yay! (50 exp)
--- The great poison experiment
- Everyone else heads off to the Biohazard Zone to let "Andromeda" sink her teeth into a tentacle. Considering Andromeda and POWERLAD have dragon wings now, this is a remarkably easy feat. (50 exp)
- As they swoop over the rooftops, POWERLAD looks down to see a bunch of fans waving at him! Requests for autographs can be heard over the roaring wind. (50 exp)
- You've got to be good to the fans, right? POWERLAD and co swoop down. He signs memorabilia, woodcuts, and erotic novellas. but overhears people muttering who are perturbed at the sight of this great hero in the company of a filthy ratman, a black dragon cultist, and a creepy elf. (50 exp)
- This cannot do! POWERLAD makes a rousing speech about accepting differences and helping others in this time of great need. Yes, even ratmen! (50 exp)
- The crowd suitably assuaged and admonished, the group fly off again to rousing cheers and applause! (50 exp)
- The first major tendril they see is surrounded by some familiar jerky-smokers, carving off greyish cancerous scabby lumps off the great swaying limb like they're carving kebab meat off the doner. It's not a sight for the squeamish. The tentacle writhes painfully as they work. (50 exp)


- Galaxy Johnson and Arach-Nacha head for another tentacle that's burst from the flagstones down a side street. (50 exp)
- As she approaches, Andromeda's body distorts and ripples, bending over backwards as her legs atrophy and her belly bloats into a grotesque abdomen. There is a faint sound of a woman begging and pleading and screaming, as if from the end of a long tunnel. Her ribs crack apart and form into eight long legs, her mouth is open in a grimace of pain as glossy black carapace rips apart soft skin, her chin erupting with boils that form into eight eyes and her mouth is forced too too far open as mandibles force their way from her fragile jaw. (50 exp)


-  Arach-Nacha is here in her true form! Yay! Galaxy Johnson smiles up at the huge arachnid body of his beautiful bride-to-be. (50 exp)
- She bites the writhing tentacle with her glistening fangs, and immediately pulsing blackness spreads across its turgid flesh. The blackness spreads an the tentacle withers and desiccates and dies, petering out at the thicker base of the limb. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD now sees what Isen Heisenberg was on about with delivery mechanisms. Good to know! (50 exp)
- With the boat race coming up in the early afternoon, it's time to make some easy money! To the boats! (50 exp)
--- An unpleasant day for boating
- Team POWERVESSEL gets ready to race. Meric takes up his usual steersman position, Sir Robyn bangs the drums, and since they're low on manpower today POWERLAD recruits his biggest fan "DRAGONO" to be an extra rower. (50 exp)
- Facing them today are the Fragmentalists, Mob Rule, Holy Drivers, and the Sin Eaters. That's crystal drakencult, an anthill mob-style multistorey boat containing a confusingly large number of people, a bunch of praying Denialists, and a boatful of clay-skinned demons with blank faces. (50 exp)
- Place your bets! Most put a bunch of money on their own success. Confidence is key! (50 exp)
- The usual ritual occurs. Spells are pulled from heads by the hands of Japhet and Hirsch. Coalminer Dan is back! He finds himself chained to an oar. Sir Robyn is telling him that Old Man Henderson is dead and reads the will. Dan doesn't have much time to process, the race is on! (50 exp)
- Almost immediately the still surface of the lava roils into huge boils of magma, exploding and showering the unwary with superheated chunks of liquid stone! (50 exp)
- It's too much for Team POWERVESSEL. They have to spend most of their rowing just avoiding exploding magma blobs, Ratimir manages to bravely punt ahead. 
- The other boats are faring far worse, limping into the second leg and expending much effort just staying afloat. The only team to get ahead are the Sin Eaters who feast on other's misfortune to plow ahead, neck and neck with Team POWERVESSEL (50 exp)- Ahead, slightly better conditions. Gigantic black blocks of basalt float on the magma sea, clashing together and creating quick-moving rapids between them as they surge apart. Team POWERVESSEL and Team Sin Eaters are rushing into a breach, crystal boats ringing together, neck and neck. (50 exp)
- As both teams approach, Team POWERLAD hits the edge of one of the magma bubbles, scattering off and enduring a searing burst of heat. Sir Robyn's luck runs out, barely avoiding worse consequences and hitting exactly 0HP. (50 exp)
- In Meric's pocket, unbeknownst to the rest of his team, the cold-sucking glyph he made in the library has been diligently absorbing a day's worth of elemental cold from the surroundings. His concentration breaks. The glyph releases all the pent-up cold and.... (50 exp)
--- Record scratch, freeze frame
- We make sense of this fucking insane scene, looking up how long a 6 man boat is while furiously debating thermodynamics. (50 exp)
- The long crystal boats of POWERVESSEL and the Sin Eaters are neck and neck, surging down a flume of magma between the big black basalt blocks. There is a sustained shimmering sound of crystal harmonies as the boats grind against into each other the black rock walls. Shinnnnggg. (50 exp)
- The faceless clay demons are paddling hard, partially-formed muscles straining at the oars. The drummer is concentrating hard, one drumstick in the air, the other bouncing from the manskin drum. Bakooooom. (50 exp)
- Meric, at the back of his boat, has a look of shock on his face. Blossoming out, centred on his pocket, is a sphere of cold rippling air. His clothes and skin are turning white, slowly slowly expanding out across his body, riming him with frost. Shaaaaahhhh. (50 exp)
- The rowers of team POWERVESSEL, facing the rear as they are, have a front row seat to everything that's about to happen. Aaaaaaaaa! (50 exp)



- In a split-second, Meric is instantly frozen solid. (50 exp)
- Microseconds later, an orb of extreme cold forms around Meric's frozen corpse. The air turns white and then immediately to steam, the nearby magma freezes to solid stone, cracks ripple through the crystalline hull. (50 exp)
- There is a sudden incredible rush of wind as the burning air blasts in to fill the sphere of sudden cold. (50 exp)
- Dragono, in the wrong place at the wrong time, is sucked towards Meric by the polar implosion. (50 exp)
- The air collapses exactly onto Meric at the epicentre. Snap frozen, the impact of superheated air hits him dead-on and shatters him into a thousand thousand pieces. (50 exp)
- The cracked crystal of the back half of the boat shatters, collapsing into sharp crystal fragments. (50 exp)
- Dragono has no chance. The flash-frozen ice shards practically vapourise him. Two of the demons, neck and neck in the rival boat, are annihilated by the blast. At least Dragono died protecting his heroes, spattering them with chunks of meat instead of deadly chunks of sharp ice and crystal. Bits of corpse rain down, sizzling and popping in the magma and burning onto the hot black basalt. (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn, Ratimir, POWERLAD and Coalminer Dan suddenly find themselves in half a boat, having just witnessed the death of a companion, attached by frozen rock to an enemy vessel full of extremely shocked demons. (50 exp)
--- Fight for Survival!
- The survivors immediately grasp the only way they'll manage to survive and maybe even win this race. Piracy! The boats are briefly bound by frozen rock, there's no time to lose! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD leaps forth with a wing-boosted jump straight at the demon drummer, but fails! The demon kicks him over the magma, but he juuuust manages to survive by flaring his huge wings. (50 exp)
-Ratimir's swarms begin pouring towards the demon boat and Coalminer Dan chucks a vial of holy water. It misses, but the demons get the idea! Sir Robyn offers clemency to the first two demons to defect to Team POWERVESSEL. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD immediately sees a defector in the group, who pushes his teammate into the lava! Scared, one of the others follows his lead! The clay bodies of the dead are immediately baked black, curling streamers of darkness flow out of their heads and dart in the direction of the Black Sun. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD rock-glues team POWERVESSEL's figurehead to the prow and the race is on once more! (50 exp)
- In the next leg, bobbing pumice rocks are connected by long sizzling strands of ivy. Powering their way through the sweet-smelling haze, spiders made of vines descend towards the beleaguered boat! (50 exp)
- Ratimir sends his rats swarming up the vines to head them off! The distraction is enough. The rats that get close enough fall asleep, plopping into the lava with loud pops as their organs cook off and explode. (50 exp)
- As they come into the last leg, team POWERVESSEL is still in last place, but they push forward with great strength! They steam ahead of the floundering Holy Drivers and edge past Mob Rule, coming up right on the tail of the Fragmentalists! (50 exp)
- But alas, though they raced well, the Fragmentalists win by a nose! Applause applause! A lot of bookies made a lot of money today, POWERVESSEL was meant to be a shoe-in for the win! (50 exp)
--- Second Place
- The masked demons in the victory pagoda lavish the winners with booze and riches. No sacrifice today, since one of the teams died during the race! Hurrah! (50 exp)
- The red-masked demon hurls mocking abuse at the blackened and exhausted members of Team POWERVESSEL. I thought you were the best! (50 exp)
- The Fracted Drakencult use their moment in the public eye to yell about the injustice and stupidity of this boat race. Have you people no shame?! These are literal demons! They aren't running this race out of the goodness of their hearts! (50 exp)
- The blank-faced clay demons who helped Team POWERVESSEL to the finish line are recruited as proper members of the boat team. They're happy to join, considering they're the only ones left alive from their original crew. (50 exp)
- Interrogated on how they got here, they don't know all that much. They were invited to the city by the Flower Liches who run the race, especially since everything else seems to be fucked at the moment and there don't seem to be any of those horrible angels in this town. (50 exp)
- The two-headed demon(s) Japhet and Hirsch offer the team an invitation to dinner at their place. They have much to discuss, apparently. They live in the formerly abandoned North Tower in the undead area. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD asks the Fragmentalists if they can net him an audience with their priestess Christina Breaker. They're very interested in the idea, since there's currently that internecine strife in the ranks of the drakencult and all. They agree on a date and time to meet up! (50 exp)
- Having witnessed the near-death of both their adoptive and real fathers, Sir Robyn's spider kids decide to join their dads as a swarm of poisonous spider Extras! Hurrah! (50 exp)
Total: 3300 exp

Misc:
- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)
- Bookworm bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Classic Charles bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Chase bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Escape bonus (50 exp)
- Gambling Problem bonus (50 exp)
- Henchman Abuse bonus (50 exp)
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)
- Long Deliberation bonus (50 exp)
- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)
- Michael Bay bonus (50 exp)
- Poison is OP bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Ridiculously Bad Rolling bonus (50 exp)
- Tentacle Molestation bonus (50 exp)
- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus (50 exp)
Total: 950 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- MVP bonus (Meric - players*100 exp to successor)
- Remembrancer (Carter / Next Character - 100 exp)
- Caller (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Charles / Galaxy Johnson - 100 exp)
- Guard (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Tracker (Timothy / Sir Robyn - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Carter, Timothy, Charles - 100 exp ea.)
- Attacco d'Arte bonus (Timothy, Charles - 100 exp)
- Chippo Lady bonus (Kitty*2 - 100 exp ea.)
- Hummous Hero bonus (Carter, Timothy - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Charles, Timothy, James - 500 exp ea,)
- Near Death Experience bonus (POWERLAD, Sir Robyn - 100 exp)
- An Hero bonus (Meric - 200 exp to next character)
- Amusing Death bonus (Meric - 500 exp to next character)
- Awesome Death bonus (Meric - 500 exp to next character)
- Death's Witness bonus (Everyone else - 100 exp ea.)

Active Businesses:
- Honey Healing. Safe. 1084sp. (Bertha) 📉 -1%
- Knickers Gloves Bodices. Risky. 1020sp. (Ratimir) 📈 +1%, 📉 -2%
- Blood Honey 4 U. Safe. 10410sp. (Sir Robyn) 📉 -2%

Rumours:

Death Toll and Injuries:
- Meric, snap-frozen and shattered into a thousand thousand pieces in a tragic rune accident
- Dragono, whoever that guy was, blasted by a thousand thousand shards of Meric.

Exp Totals:
- Kitty / POWERLAD!, Level 7 Muscle Wizard: 92042 (Level up at 144000)-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 9 (-45% exp)
- James / Ratimir, Level 6 Ratman: 24434 (Level up at 48000)*DING!* +1d6 HP! Rat Max 36! +backstory!   
- Charles / Galaxy Johnson, Level 5 Elf (Alpdrucke): 46645 (Level up at 48000)

- Timothy / Sir Robyn, Level 5 Magic-User: 34304 (Level up at 36000)
--- Spider Squad, Level 1 Spider Extras: 405 (Level up at 1500)
- Carter / Meric, Level 3 Nonanist Cleric *DECEASED*

- Carter / Carter's Necromancer, Level 2 Necromancer: 2710 (Level up at 4500)
*DING!* +1d4 HP! +1 level 1 spell/day! +free spell! +backstory!


Absent or Retired:
- Tom / Clarence Eclair, Level 3 Specialist: 3040 (Level up at 6000)
- Tom / Aces Fontaine, Level 1 Specialist: 869 (Level up at 1500)
- Kitty / Bertha, Level 4 Necromancer: 9931 (Level up at 18000)
- Imran / Friar, Level 1 Magic User: 1040 (Level up at 2250)
- Yuri / Bjorn Gunnerson, Level 2 Barbarian: 2278 (Level up at 4000)
- Sunni / Larry's Legends, Level 1 Extras: 758 (Level up at 1500)
- Fraser / Tippin, Level 1 Ratman: 1458 (Level up at 1500)
- Charles / Zena, Level 6 Fighter: 41566 (Level up at 64000)
- Tom / Meteor Power Shower, Level 2 Barbarian: 3061 (Level up at 4000)
- Nix's Retainer
--- Huz, Level 0 Hireling
- Tom / Spicy Mac, Level 2 Halfling: 3457 (Level up at 4000)
- Eleanor / Mugg, Level 2 Fighter: 2357 (Level up at 4000)
- Kyle / Gimlass the Brave, Level 2 Dwarf: 2257 (Level up at 4400)
- Amar / Amar's Cleric, Level 1 Cleric: 1413 (Level up at 1750)
- Henry / Henry's Next Character: +2084 exp
- Ollie / Tremendo Picante, Level 2 Ratman: 2654 (Level up at 3000)
- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14838 (Level up at 16000)
- Eglė / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 434 (Level up at 2200)
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)

Monday 23 April 2018

Session 177 - Super Panic Fun Times

Lots going on this session! Mostly a surprise massive centrepiece battle against overwhelming odds, followed by a massive lore dump, followed by winning another boat race by a massive margin.

Meric is a pro wrestler
POWERLAD gets his wings
Galaxy Johnson nearly dies
Sir Robyn is plucked from a crowd

Oh yea and since this the film is criminally not in the cultural consciousness, the inchoate tentacle mass creature things nobody's named yet move like the Mimics from Edge of Tomorrow.


- POWERLAD is ARBITRARILY BIG in my mind at this point. What a beast!


Charles depicts the MIGHTY TWICE-WINNERS on their badass POWERVESSEL



Session 177 - Super Panic Fun Times

Campaign Date:
Monday, 8 March, 1601
Moon Phase: Third Quarter
Zodiac: Aquarius

Enemies Defeated:
- 17 Grey-Robed Tentacultists
- 3 Crimson-Robed Tentacultists
- 6 writhing tentacle monsters
- A bunch of huge cancer tentacles
Total: 100 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- 90 gold pieces! (4500 exp)
Total: 4500 exp

Exploration:
- 1 Random Encounter (50 exp)
Total: 50 exp

Events:
- It's morning.  There's a fearful mood in the city today. Tentacle cultists have been erupting from beneath the earth and snatching people away! (50 exp)
-
 POWERLAD and Meric cross the lava moat early before the boat race, planning to follow a lead towards Christina Breaker. (50 exp)
- On the way they hear a scream of panic. POWERLAD rushes in! Time to be a hero! (50 exp)
--- Tentacle Attack!
- They come across a chaotic scene. A T-intersection amongst dilapidated houses. An absolute ton of grey-robed cultists led by three in red robes, big burrowing cancerous arms, inchoate swarming balls of tentacles. Also rushing in, a smaller force of Drakencultist guards with spears and short swords. (50 exp)
- The majority of the grey-robed cultists are surrounding a bunch of low-bond civilians trapped within a cage of cancerous tentacular limbs. The ground beneath them is squirming as more of the tentacles dig it out. (50 exp)


- POWERLAD's quick to act, beginning with a classic Web Punch that covers the majority of the road and locks the tentacle balls and their red-robed masters in sticky strings. The bigger limbs aren't stopped for long, but the smaller tentacle beasts are at least stalled. (50 exp)
- Meric hangs back and starts sketching a rune on the wall of a building with his sword. (50 exp)
- The guards take the opportunity! They stab at the tentacle creatures, inflicting minor wounds. One of them gets pulled into the web when the beast he's attacking grabs his spear. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD leaps through his web and smacks the largest tentacle with his great hammer... but its rubbery flesh resists. (50 exp)
- The great tentacle wrestles POWERLAD, who gives up on the hammer and smacks his fist into a wall for a Magic Missile Punch! Shrapnel rains down on the trapped creatures... but none fall. (50 exp)
- Merics lightning beam glyph is finally complete. He gets one of these itinerant guards to charge it for him, and the beam zaps one of the tentacle beasts a little. (50 exp)
- The red-robed cultists start getting extracted by enormous tendrils that burst up from the ground and pull them down. An excellent escape strategy! (50 exp)
- The guards are suddenly assaulted by another huge tendril which emerges from the ground! It grabs one and smashes him into a wall, killing him. Things are getting hairy. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD lands, blasts into the air, and raises his huge hammer over his head! He plummets into the tentacles entrapping the civilians, sending a shockwave out that disrupts the grey-robed cultists! (50 exp)
- Most of the tentacles wave around confused, allowing the civilians to escape, but a few of them grab POWERLAD to crush him! (50 exp)
Galaxy Johnson turns up with Old Man Henderson! Apparently they got lost on the way here and just followed the screams! (50 exp)
- He chucks a lit torch into the Web zone, setting it alight! The tentacle beasts are charred like calimari, Old Man Henderson himself attempts to skewer one. (50 exp)
- Meric dives through a door next to his runes and reaches a hand out to charge it again. Outside, guards are getting murdered by the singed tentacle beasts let loose by the burnt web. (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson attracts the tentacle beasts away from the house Meric is in and it mostly works... (50 exp)
- POWERLAD, gripped by a bunch of massive tentacles, triggers his newfound Claws of Ninhursag! He grows to TWICE the size! The tentacles still have a firm grip though and they start to crush him as he grows. (50 exp)



Sir Robyn walks unheeding out of a local dilapidated lawyer's office and GOOD LORD what is happening out there?! (50 exp)
-  The scene he sees before him is a bunch of flailing snap-moving masses of tendrils assaulting Galaxy Johnson and Old Man Henderson, across the street a massive tentacle is juicing the last surviving guard, POWERLAD's oddly booming grunting echoes across the thatch. (50 exp)
- Meanwhile, Meric is in trouble. One of the swarming tentacle masses has spotted his hand! It blasts towards the door of the house and he just manages to close the door on it! (50 exp) 



- Sir Robyn grabs a couple of pre-loaded pistols from out of his robes, his Magic Missile targeting array summoned into existence, aiming down the street at the one banging against Meric's door. (50 exp)
- The shots ring out, curving slightly round the buildings and smacking into its dense core. It's hurt, but not killed. (50 exp)
- It turns out Meric has got this in hand. With his third fucking natural 20 in a row an event with a staggering 1 in 8000 chance of ever happening, Meric manages to tie this beast into, through, around, and over the door. It's stuck forever. (50 exp)



- The giant-sized POWERLAD has been struggling with these huge tentacles the whole time. He finally manages to rip and tear them to pieces and turns to see a body flying through the air... (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn and Galaxy Johnson look on in horror as Old Man Henderson is grabbed by one of the huge tentacles and tossed into the air like a ragdoll. He smashes into the street face-first, leaving a horrible red splatter of meat and blood. (50 exp)
- There's no time to mourn. One of Sir Robyn's raccoons leaps into Galaxy Johnson's pack and passes him a flask of lamp oil. (50 exp)
- The flask shatters over the flailing limbs of the beasts. It catches on fire on the flickering remains of the web and lights up the creatures! (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn sends a Magic Missile at the large tentacle that just murdered poor Old Man Henderson, severing the top. It collapses onto the nearby roof. (50 exp)
- The tentacle beasts come right at him for revenge! He barely avoids being killed, by luck or skill somehow avoiding the worst of their lashing tendrils. (50 exp)
- As he dodges away, he sees a huge hand resting on the corner of the building! It is soon followed by the POWERLAD's huge head, he's over a storey tall and still suspended in the air! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD reaches down towards Sir Robyn and plucks him from the mob of tentacle beasts, shaking off the monsters and placing him on one huge shoulder. (50 exp)


- One of the raccoons takes a vial of Moon Water from Sir Robyn and drops towards Galaxy Johnson! He consumes it and undergoes a creepy magical girl transformation... but he can't go full shadow-step without casting a spell first. (50 exp)
- Meric, who's been watching the battle from the safety of the house, charges his lightning beam glyph finally. It creates a steady beam of lightning, a barrier that should make the tentacle monsters think twice about following! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD reaches down to grab Galaxy Johnson too, but a huge tentacle has him by the leg! Sir Robyn tries to shoot it off, but the gunshot right in POWERLAD's ear makes him let go and clutch at his great head! (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson looks up at his friends as the tentacles overwhelm him. His final vision is of raccoons on Sir Robyn's shoulders as he sits on POWERLAD's shoulder... (50 exp)
- But wait! A huge hand closes around his body and POWERLAD pulls him from the roiling mass! Galaxy is saved! (50 exp)
- With one person on each shoulder, POWERLAD zips over Meric's electric beam and scoops him up into the crook of his elbow, zooming up up and away from the tentacles waving aggressively below! The day is saved! (50 exp)



--- Cult Leader Chat
- They land with a thump on the central island of the great green dragon Ninhursag. The dragon is stirring, and coils of its scaly body occasionally thrust up out of the magma lake surrounding the island of its enormous head. (50 exp)
- Everyone knows POWERLAD, of course! The group is met by Garlock Beendigung, leader of the Verdegrised Drakencult and overall leader of the dragon worshippers. Brandon Magnusson the Dwarven magma priest is here too, as are a bunch of Sylvia Flora's plant aspect worshippers, mostly women. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD is told that Magnus the head of the Gogamogic Drakencult has gone missing, precipitating something of a rebellion in the ranks. As a celebrity high in Ereshkigal's favour, maybe he'd want to take over? (50 exp)
- Enquiring after Christina Breaker leads to some awkward glances. Apparently she blames the main cult for Magnus' disappearance and for not even trying to stop the dragonboat races. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD mentions that he thinks Sylvia Flora is in trouble, which is news to these guys. She was the most ardent supporter of the dragonboat races! (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson and Sir Robyn decide to do some grassroots advertising to get the plant cult hooked on blood honey. It's honey, right? Plants are natural, honey is natural, what could go wrong? (50 exp)
- Meric asks about other dragons but people have only really heard of Ereshkigal the black gravity dragon to the south. He flatters his way into a rune practice area... and his circular experimental glyph fails. Maybe more dragon bond would help? (50 exp)
- POWERLAD takes the opportunity to pray to Ninhursag itself while he's here... (50 exp)
- Their bond increases! The scales under POWERLAD's light blue skin grow more prominent, turning him a pale turquoise and giving him a dragonlike aspect, and his bones creak and crack as great wings unfurl from his shoulders! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD has gained the power of the Wings of Ninhursag. Long may he reign. (50 exp)



--- Dragonboats
- Since it's a race day, they may as well join the race! Meric prepares some runes while Sir Robyn runs around making massive bets. POWERLAD's a sure-fire winner bro. (50 exp)
- Despite some early troubles, Team POWERVESSEL once again POWERS AHEAD to seize an easy early lead, ensuring their inevitable victory. Once again good rolls have left the poor unsuspecting rival teams in the burning hot dust. (50 exp)
- The Grobblers, a team of goblins under their Hobgoblin mother, are sacrificed. This is far less gruesome than last time considering the vegetable nature of the goblins, but their screams and pain are no less real. (50 exp)
- Up in the gallery, Team POWERVESSEL count their sweet sweet winnings. It's 15gp each this time, plus all that money that Sir Robyn receives from his winning bet. Hurrah! (50 exp)
- Galaxy Johnson uses winnings to buy no ordinary dog. It is a Merovingian Sea Dog, Furless and tattooed, that can swim as fast as it can run. (50 exp)
Total: 3300 exp

Misc:
- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Better Part of Valour bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Classic Charles bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Escape bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Rescue bonus (50 exp)
- Fame bonus (50 exp)
- Gambling Problem bonus (50 exp)
- Hard Bargain bonus (50 exp)
- Henchman Abuse bonus (50 exp)
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)
- Kill It With Fire bonus (50 exp)
- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)
- Noblebright bonus (50 exp)
- Mad Inventor bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Pyrrhic Victory bonus (50 exp)
- Tactical Fighting bonus (50 exp)
- Tentacle Molestation bonus (50 exp)
- Trapsetter bonus (50 exp)
- WWE bonus (50 exp)
Total: 1200 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- MVP bonus (POWERLAD - players*100 exp)
- Remembrancer (Carter / Meric - 100 exp)
- Caller (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Guard (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Charles, Carter - 100 exp ea.)
- Artapalooza bonus (Carter - 100 exp)
- Chippo Man bonus (Carter*2 - 100 exp ea.)
- Hummous Hero bonus (Carter, Timothy - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Kitty, Charles, Timothy - 500 exp ea,)
- Near Death Experience bonus (Sir Robyn - 100 exp)

Active Businesses:
- Honey Healing. Safe. 1106sp. (Bertha)
- Knickers Gloves Bodices. Risky. 1030sp. (Ratimir)
- Blood Honey 4 U. Safe. 10515sp. (Sir Robyn) 

Rumours:

Death Toll and Injuries:
- Old Man Henderson, tragically crushed to death by a huge tentacle

Exp Totals:
- Kitty / POWERLAD!, Level 7 Muscle Wizard: 90997 (Level up at 144000)-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 9 (-45% exp)
- Charles / Galaxy Johnson, Level 5 Elf (Alpdrucke): 45035 (Level up at 48000)
--- Old Man Henderson, Level 0 Octogenarian *SQUISHED*- Timothy / Sir Robyn, Level 5 Magic-User: 32294 (Level up at 36000)- Carter / Meric, Level 3 Nonanist Cleric: 3926 (Level up at 7000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 Level 1 spell/day! +backstory!
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 Level 1 spell/day! +backstory!


Absent or Retired:
- Tom / Clarence Eclair, Level 3 Specialist: 3040 (Level up at 6000)
- Tom / Aces Fontaine, Level 1 Specialist: 869 (Level up at 1500)
- Kitty / Bertha, Level 4 Necromancer: 9931 (Level up at 18000)
- Imran / Friar, Level 1 Magic User: 1040 (Level up at 2250)
- Yuri / Bjorn Gunnerson, Level 2 Barbarian: 2278 (Level up at 4000)
- Sunni / Larry's Legends, Level 1 Extras: 758 (Level up at 1500)
- Fraser / Tippin, Level 1 Ratman: 1458 (Level up at 1500)
- Charles / Zena, Level 6 Fighter: 41566 (Level up at 64000)
- Tom / Meteor Power Shower, Level 2 Barbarian: 3061 (Level up at 4000)
- Nix's Retainer
--- Huz, Level 0 Hireling
- Tom / Spicy Mac, Level 2 Halfling: 3457 (Level up at 4000)
- Eleanor / Mugg, Level 2 Fighter: 2357 (Level up at 4000)
- Kyle / Gimlass the Brave, Level 2 Dwarf: 2257 (Level up at 4400)
- Amar / Amar's Cleric, Level 1 Cleric: 1413 (Level up at 1750)
- Henry / Henry's Next Character: +2084 exp
- Ollie / Tremendo Picante, Level 2 Ratman: 2654 (Level up at 3000)
- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14838 (Level up at 16000)
- Eglė / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 434 (Level up at 2200)
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)

Tuesday 17 April 2018

Session 176 - Let the Race Begin!

Boat racing! Despite the various wifi woes, it went remarkably well!
Turns out I got the rules a bit wrong and your boats shouldn't have been quiiite so impossibly fast, put it down to beginner's luck. 
Slightly reworked boat rules below


And betting on the races is now fully available! Behold the following crAaAaAzy teams!


Some awesome art attacks this week too:


- Charles finishes off his two-part full colour proposal peace, due to time constraints it looks like he died here rather than being saved!
 

- Ollie shows us the TRUE CONSEQUENCES of dragonboat racing. Brutal.


- Plus Ollie gives us this awesome now-canonical rendition of flower demons!


Alright that's all cool as fuck. On with the show -



Session 176 - Let the Race Begin!

Campaign Date:
Tuesday, 5 March, 1601
Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous
Zodiac: Aquarius

New Characters:
- Meric, a Cleric who worships Polaris the North Star due to his sailor upbringing. Unique Nonanist talisman grants bonus to AC in starlight.
- Raivo, an elderly but tough Barbarian from a far-off land who arrived here in a barrel.

New Backstory:
- Synthia's first memories, or at least the first memories that are truly her own, were being tumbled along the bottom of the black river Lethe. When she finally managed to drag herself onto land, her barely-human bubbling body of flesh and mud was spotted by a bunch of horrified people. They tried to kick her to death, but they were stopped by a kindly young woman who took pity on her. Nursed back to health, Synthia later ate her saviour and everyone in her village. (Enemies leave you to last when you go down)

Enemies Defeated:
- Many rival dragon boats, left in the dust. (100 exp)
Total: 100 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- 60 gold pieces! (3000 exp)
- Sir Robyn made BANK betting on the race. Good job!
Total: 3000 exp

Exploration:
- First party to experience the Dragonboat Festival! (100 exp)
Total: 100 exp

Events:
- POWERLAD and Galaxy Johnson wake up to discover a carnival atmosphere in Moondin. Today marks the beginning of the 35th annual dragon boat racing season! (50 exp)
- Along with others in the party who somehow escaped Moldus Vane's druggy dungeon off-screen, Carrie Meleste is back! She managed to miss the entire apocalypse so far which is really saying something. New faces Meric and Raivo turn up in the festivities. So far so good. (50 exp)
- Looking around, it does seem like there's a fair amount of confusion about this boat race. At least a few people clearly have the "1st" on their Annual Boat Race banners crossed out and replaced with "35th". People are loudly proclaiming that it's going to be better than the one they definitely had last year. (50 exp)



- Galaxy Johnson takes the opportunity to chat to his new spidery fiancee. It seems that Arach-Nacha has merged with Andromeda somehow? He's told not to question too deeply, but he can talk to Andromeda directly somehow if he wants... (50 exp)
- Arach-Nacha also drops the bomb of a potential answer to a massive campaign mystery. Fans of the POWERLAD erotic novels theorise that the author may be Galaxy Johnson himself!! (50 exp)
- He realises that nobody's actually asked Arach-Nacha about using her poison to kill Shub-NIggurath yet, and asks her to fly up into the air with him. He asks her if she'd consider helping them by biting the tentacles, and she agrees! (50 exp)



- Meanwhile, POWERLAD baptises Synthia into the cult of Ninhursag by drawing the Earth rune on her forehead. A new dragon cultist is born! (50 exp)
--- Off to the Races
- Now that the party's all together, they decide to check out what's going on with this boat race. The starting line is near RISEN HQ on the other side of town, so they head there. (50 exp)



- There are great crowds and a grand pavilion set up on crystal stilts over the magma moat. In the pavillion there are a bunch of masked demons, an androgynous shadowy figure, and Sylvia Flora the Plant Priestess looking rather out of place (50 exp)
- The party ignore all that for now, they've got a race to win!! (50 exp)
- They head over to the sign up desk near the pavilion and set up some racing teams! Most join Team POWERVESSEL which relies on POWERLAD's enhanced strength as its powerhouse, while Carrie practically goes it alone with her submissive minions in Team Sub-Mariner backed up by Ratimir and his rat horde. (50 exp)



- Sir Robyn swiftly puts all his money on Team POWERVESSEL's victory. Fingers crossed! (50 exp)
- They also see a bunch of other teams. There's a group from the Red Light Protectorate, a team from the Gogamogic drakencult who are in disarray because their leader Magnus Grossman has gone missing, and even a bunch of Goblins under their Hobgoblin mother. (50 exp)
- They get in their boats and wait for the starting bell! A two-headed demon descends on a long stone shelf from the pavilion and makes sure everyone knows the rules. "Uh yeeeaaaa we sure do" says all. (50 exp)
- Also very important - no magic! But other than that all bets are off. Rune magic is, of course, allowed. This is the dragon Ninhursag's lake after all. (50 exp)

- The two-headed demon puts out its four arms and, one by one, touches each racer's head. Anyone with spells in their head finds themselves vomiting them up in rainbow streams! Coalminer Dan is back and very confused as usual. (50 exp)
- A fat man in a blue mask and a massive mouth booms out the prize conditions from the pavilion. 10 gold each for the team that wins! A wish each if you win 7 days in a row! The losing team will be sacrificed! (50 exp)
- "Sacrifice?!" say the party, but they're in it now! (50 exp)
--- The Race Begins
- And they're off! Vuvuzelas create a deafening roar, and somehow there are always airhorns! It's straight into a terrible lava boil on this leg, but Team POWERVESSEL storms ahead with the Sub-Mariners a close second! (50 exp)


- Sir Robyn realises his raccoon familiars were not mind-wiped of magic. Score! He uses one of them to subtly slow down the other boats. (50 exp)
- The other vessels are swiftly left in the dust through a combination of strong rowing and a rules mixup. Nevertheless, onwards! (50 exp)
- The next leg is much more placid. Druggies from near the Biohazard Zone hold placards saying "send drugs!", Sir Robyn throws Blood Honey 4 U business cards. (50 exp)
- The next leg goes past the old arena and all of POWERLAD's fans! Ratimir finds the conditions too difficult and they fall behind. (50 exp)
- Powering through an angry sea of boiling magma, angry Denialists demonstrating, they come into the final stretch! (50 exp)
- Militia are keeping the cheering crowds back as Team POWERVESSEL come in for the win! Team Sub-Mariner comes in second, the rest of the boats limping in minutes later. (50 exp)
--- Victory!
- The winning team is brought up to the pavilion! Congratulations and back-patting all round, and of course the purse of sweet sweet gold coins each. (50 exp)
- Saddest of all is a group of dragon cultists who get in last. Such tragedy. It is time for the sacrifice. The losing team of drakencult is led up into the pavilion, and Team POWERVESSEL is raised up to the VIP room which overlooks the proceedings. (50 exp)
- The sacrifice is brutal and efficient. They are pushed to their knees, then their throats are slashed and their Last Breath collected in glass vials, before being neatly skinned and butchered into piles of skin, meat, and bone. (50 exp)



- The winners are in turns horrified and fascinated. It is over quickly. (50 exp)
- After the place is cleaned up, the winners return to the party. There's lots of exotic alcohol and canapes. POWERLAD goes to chat to Sylvia - she doesn't seem herself, and her eyes signal "help me" even as she tells him she's fine. (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn goes to the two-headed demon. He's got a mask of gold and a mask that shimmers like mother of pearl, and his names are Japhet and Hirsch. Japhet does most of the talking. (50 exp)

- They chat about bookkeeping and Sir Robyn tries to get out the details of this 7 win Wish. "I think you'll find that all Wishes are in the service of some sin or other". Clear as mud. (50 exp)
- Synthia follows one of the demons when it leaves the pavilion, eventually reaching a tower that's clearly been set aside for its use. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD asks the locals about the demons and this totally annual boat race. Everyone is cagey, apparently the demons aren't allowed to meddle with anything outside the boat race but they are allowed to "deal with" anyone who says anything negative about the race. (50 exp)



- If it can be proven in a court of law that the demons have been meddling with the city outside of the boat race, they can be expelled. Also, who made this deal anyway? (50 exp)
- He hears the name Christina Breaker from a drunk villager. She's the leader of the Fracted Drakencult, and apparently was very vocally against this sudden demon boat race incursion. She can't leave the central island in case the demons kill her for speaking out against the race. (50 exp)
- Sir Robyn slams a bunch of investment money into Blood Honey 4 U then goes to check on his spider babies. They're growing up fast and can barely fit in their little house thing. Some of them have eaten each other. One's staying in his room chatting to his friends "on the web". (50 exp)
Also they're going through their rebellious teen phase. Their mum ran away and is getting remarried, their dad doesn't care they're his, their adoptive father is some magic loser who hangs out with raccoons who he insists on calling co-parents. What's an electric poison spider boy to do? (50 exp)
- With the session winding down, rumours are heard for the first time in a long time. News from the wider world is received with some trepidation. What does the future hold? (50 exp)
Total: 3300 exp

Misc:
- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Antagonist Appeaser bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)
- Fame bonus (50 exp)
- Gambling Problem bonus (50 exp)
- Henchman Abuse bonus (50 exp)
- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- Pacifism bonus (500 exp) 
Total: 1000 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Charles / Galaxy Johnson - 100 exp)
- Caller (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Carter / Meric - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Charles / Galaxy Johnson - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Ollie / Synthia - 100 exp)
- Guard (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Charles, Ollie - 100 exp ea.)- Attacco d'Arte bonus (Charles, Ollie - 100 exp)
- Artapalooza bonus (Charles, Ollie - 100 exp)
- Chippo Man bonus (Andy, Timothy*2 - 100 exp ea.)
- Hummous Hero bonus (Andy - 100 exp)
- JÜGBRINGYR bonus (Charles, Andy - 500 exp ea,)

Active Businesses:
- Honey Healing. Safe. 1106sp. (Bertha)
- Knickers Gloves Bodices. Risky. 1030sp. (Ratimir)
- Blood Honey 4 U. Safe. 10515sp. (Sir Robyn) 

Rumours:
- The minions of the Gravity Dragon are diametrically opposed to those who follow Ninhursag! Ninhursag is life, Ereshkigal is death!
- Fortress-City Fate is walking! It'll come to us and save us!
- The Fated Queen has been deposed from her throne! Fate is leaderless.
- The corpse-fog raises the dead. It flows from the Barrowmaze, imbuing old bones with hideous life!
- The music of the spheres can heal old wounds. Prostrate yourself before an angel and it shall grant ye mercy.

Death Toll and Injuries:
- None!

Exp Totals:
- Kitty / POWERLAD!, Level 7 Muscle Wizard: 88524 (Level up at 144000)-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 8 (-40% exp)
- Charles / Galaxy Johnson, Level 5 Elf (Alpdrucke): 42147 (Level up at 48000)
--- Old Man Henderson, Level 0 Octogenarian- Timothy / Sir Robyn, Level 5 Magic-User: 29306 (Level up at 36000)- Andy / Carrie Meleste, Level 5 Termaxian Cleric: 27195 (Level up at 28000)
--- 4 Henchmen Undeserving of Names, Level 0 Bootlickers
- James / Ratimir, Level 5 Ratman: 23024 (Level up at 24000)    
- Ollie / Synthia, Level 5 Inheritor: 19890 (Level up at 36000)-- Devotee of Ninhursag, Bond 2 (-10% exp) 
- Carter / Meric, Level 1 Nonanist Cleric: 1038 (Level up at 1750)
- Elias / Raivo, Level 1 Barbarian: 938 (Level up at 2000)


Absent or Retired:
- Tom / Clarence Eclair, Level 3 Specialist: 3040 (Level up at 6000)
- Tom / Aces Fontaine, Level 1 Specialist: 869 (Level up at 1500)
- Kitty / Bertha, Level 4 Necromancer: 9931 (Level up at 18000)
- Imran / Friar, Level 1 Magic User: 1040 (Level up at 2250)
- Yuri / Bjorn Gunnerson, Level 2 Barbarian: 2278 (Level up at 4000)
- Sunni / Larry's Legends, Level 1 Extras: 758 (Level up at 1500)
- Fraser / Tippin, Level 1 Ratman: 1458 (Level up at 1500)
- Charles / Zena, Level 6 Fighter: 41566 (Level up at 64000)
- Tom / Meteor Power Shower, Level 2 Barbarian: 3061 (Level up at 4000)
- Nix's Retainer
--- Huz, Level 0 Hireling
- Tom / Spicy Mac, Level 2 Halfling: 3457 (Level up at 4000)
- Eleanor / Mugg, Level 2 Fighter: 2357 (Level up at 4000)
- Kyle / Gimlass the Brave, Level 2 Dwarf: 2257 (Level up at 4400)
- Amar / Amar's Cleric, Level 1 Cleric: 1413 (Level up at 1750)
- Henry / Henry's Next Character: +2084 exp
- Ollie / Tremendo Picante, Level 2 Ratman: 2654 (Level up at 3000)
- James / Raaf van Held, Level 4 Fighter: 14838 (Level up at 16000)
- Eglė / Bob, Level 1 Dwarf: 434 (Level up at 2200)
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)