Friday, 19 May 2017

Session 137 - Tentacular Spectacular

I seriously thought those ghosts would put an end to the party, but no! The party is too powerful! Immunity to non-magical attacks ain't shit when half the party can PUNCH GHOSTS.
The magic sword claimed, the ghosts defeated, some of the dungeon's most valuable treasures looted.
I then also thought the mob of tentacle cultists would do likewise, but no can do for those boyos.
You did good!

I was very glad to see that the wizard's pipeweed was so very effective. Blue John bumbling around high off his nut and not giving a shit about the ghost swiping at his face was a sight to behold.

Mairead, continuing her character arc from "ice cold policewoman" to "bumbling old granny", has kneecapped herself and is now down two limbs. Let's go for the hat trick?

Oh, and the best bit, baby basilisks were adopted! Causing me to spend a while making up a totes innovative animal training system. This'll be a laugh I'm sure.

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- Tom covers the main events

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- Ollie depicts Andromeda cradling a baby basilisk as she charges a Magic Missile

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- Of last week, Andromeda evades a tentacle!

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- James attempts a "smart attack" to determine how long it would take to fall to the core of the earth.
Stare at this picture for half an hour to see it happen in real time.

Session 137 - Tentacular Spectacular

Campaign Date:
Friday, 5 May, 1660
Moon Phase: Third Quarter
Zodiac: Aries

New Backstory:
- It was a cold cold winter, and Banjo stole all he could under the guise of helpfulness. (Can eat 2 rations to heal 2d6 HP when taking a break)- Mairead killed a rabid ratman who was foaming from the mouth. Turns out he was brushing his teeth. A coverup where they replaced the toothbrush with a gun ensued, and her fellow guards helped her out of the emotional hole she fell into. (May grant those next to you a reroll to avoid falling)
- Zena, in a blood rage after her parents were killed by demons, came across a whole village of the possessed! They begged for their lives, but she killed them all. They were innocent. (When you strike a killing blow, gain 1HP per HD of the slain)

Enemies Defeated:
- Just a ton of grey-robed tentacle cultists (100 exp)- 7 red-robed tentacle cultists (350 exp)
- 1 yellow-robed tentacle cultist (250 exp)
- 14 black-fingered ghosts (700 exp)
- 4 summoned tentacles (100 exp)
Total: 1500 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- A couple of bronze ant-egg shaped talismans (20 exp)
- 3 baby basilisks!
- The magic sword Unbeliever- A solid gold necklace with the Duvan'ku symbol upon it (10000sp)
- Two gold rings with astrological signs - Cancer and Gemini (5000sp)
Total: 15020 exp

- First party to reach the second level of the Tentacle Dungeon (200 exp)
- 1 Wandering Monster encounter (50 exp)
- 4 dungeon areas explored (80 exp)
Total: 330 exp

- Resting up in the woods, Andromeda uses herb books to find something that'll help with spider poison. They spend a morning hunting for Spiderwort to no avail. (50 exp)
- Zena scratches a Change-Light-Light glyph on her halberd. Electric polearm! This will turn out to be a good idea. "You know it'll turn off if you're hurt right?" She does. (50 exp)
- Rake researches the location of El Dorado. The answer - "America". Real helpful. (50 exp)
- The tentacle dungeon is entered once more. The plan is to lower people down to the ex-basilisk cave, carefully, on ropes. (50 exp)
- It's all going well, and only Rake and Andromeda are left on the balcony when the door bursts open! Here we go baby, two grey-robed tentacle cultists and one in a red robe! (50 exp)
- The grey-robes charge into battle while the red-robed guy summons a tentacle! It pulls Rake into the air, over the pit. (50 exp)
- Andromeda wrestles the grey-robed cultists, tossing one into the pit. Those below basically see a tentacle rise past, hear some yelling, and then hear a Wilhelm Scream as a cultist falls down the pit. (50 exp)
- Rake does some wacky wrestle-swing, overpowers the tentacle, and throws himself for the edge! He sticks the landing perfectly. (50 exp)
- Blue Jon and POWERLAD shoot the tentacle, making it retreat back down the pit. (50 exp)
- Meanwhile, Banjo leaves them to scope out the basilisk cave. He hears chirping and croaking, but can't see the source... (50 exp)
- Rake bumrushes the red-robed cultist. They parry to no avail, and are cleaved in twain by Rake's greataxe. Andromeda punches the main cultist to death. Victory! (50 exp)
- Rake finishes off their flailing once-human remains and the bodies are looted - not much of note except for an bronze ovoid talisman that the red-robe had on him. (50 exp)
- Below, Banjo and Nix check out the chirruping while Blue Jon smokes a joint. They find... three baby basilisks! And a toad tied over a hen's egg! (50 exp)
- Rake and Andromeda climb down and run over. Baby basilisks are immediately taken as pets! After a little experimentation, is seems they only eat petrified meat. (50 exp)
- The toad gets no such favourable treatment. Rake squishes it and the egg. (50 exp)
- Further into the cave, the party turn a corner to show a hole with a large tentacle in it! It's not as massive as the main tentacle but still pretty huge, and covered with ladders and rigging. (50 exp)
- Rake advances in cultist robes that are cleeaarly way too small. The tentacle doesn't react, so the party begin descending the rigging. (50 exp)
- After about ten minutes, the edge of a ledge can be seen. Blue Jon's floating stone-innards kestrel investigates, but sees nothing in the dark. Every time it leaves a dim glow pulses. (50 exp)
- The tentacle seems to be avoiding swaying near the ledge, so Zena jumps for it! She misses but manages to grab onto the rock before she falls too far. Luckily they tied a rope on first. (50 exp)
- A smaller tentacle slithers up past Zena... she freezes as it investigates... but it passes her by and slithers on upwards. (50 exp)
- Zena climbs up and helps the others across. Inside they see fourteen stone coffins with the symbol of Duvan'Ku on them... but more importantly a sword in a stone altar at the end! (50 exp)
- Rake fucking books it towards the sword. He draws it from the altar and that pulse of dim white light surges out! The word Unbeliever ripples up the sword in pale blue, and echoes inside Rake's mind. (50 exp)
- Andromeda opens a coffin and finds a sweet gold necklace with the Duvan'Ku symbol! But also, a ghost emerges out of each coffin. Their lips and fingers are black, and fill the party with a dread feeling like these things drain Constitution on hit... (50 exp)
- POWERLAD rapid-rainbow-punches one of them back to hell as Rake attempts diplomacy with his new sword raised high. (50 exp)
- To my horror, I discover most of the party has weaponry that can kill a ghost! Between the magic Muscle Wizard punches, the Barbarian ghost-throttling, Rake's new sword, and Zena's electro-halberd, the party's actually looking pretty good! (50 exp)
- Andromeda and Zena re-kill the ghost in the gold necklace coffin before Zena begins what will become a headlong charge the whole way down the room towards Nix, shish-kebabing ghosts on her electric halberd as she goes. (50 exp)
- The ghosts roll incredibly poorly. A few people get their souls chilled a little bit, but no big deal. (50 exp)
- Rake cuts down a couple of ghosts, "that blade was broken!", but the sword itself doesn't seem to like doing this. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD summons forth her ultimate move - Imaginary Dragon! It chomps the shit out of a ghost since nobody knows what the Gravity Dragon's breath weapon does yet, before a whole lot of ghosts surge in to attack it. Alas, they pop it like a rainbow soap bubble. (50 exp)
- Blue Jon begins casting Magic Missile! He's attacked by a ghost... which would have disrupted his spell if he wasn't high right now. Score one for drugs! The spell goes off no problem, spattering another ghost (50 exp)
- Zena crits, rolls poorly, Charles discovers Fighters get +1 to crit/fumble table per level. "1+3... is that FOUR?!" Classic Charles. (50 exp)
- Blue Jon's kestrel is sent to bother a ghost as a sort of mobile harrassment device while Rake and Zena continue to cut down ghosts left and right. (50 exp)
- Banjo hides in a coffin as Andy has to leave... but soon after Mairead pops out as James returns from Pizza Express! Scooby Doo shit, my friends. (50 exp)
- Mairead is attacked by the ghost and is wracked by necrotic damage. She's in trouble. How is she even still alive though. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD flails uselessly at ghosts while Andromeda punches her way through them like gossamer. Slightly embarrassing for POWERLAD (50 exp)
- There are precious few ghosts left, and the mop-up results in some damage to Zena's halberd and some more embarrassing misses from POWERLAD who can't hit the broad side of a haunted barn. "He takes after his father", Kitty laments. (50 exp)
- With the ghosts finally defeated, the spoils are counted. Two golden rings in addition to the necklace and sword. Neat! (50 exp)
- Zena mysteriously goes missing as Charles leaves. I guess she's following at a safe distance (50 exp)
- Tom, as the "Tentacaller", says that the party is going to head further down the rigged-up tentacle. They do... (50 exp)
- There's another level after twenty minutes of further climbing, although the tentacle does seem to go down further... (50 exp)
- Visible from here, 8 mould people pushing an eight-spoked wheel around. Blue Jon, still high, goes first and asks them how they're doing. "Guards! Guards!" shouts one. (50 exp)
- They're tied to the wheel though, and Rake just sort of holds out his swords and chops their heads off as they pass by on the still-moving wheel. Brutal. (50 exp)
- The wheel is attached to a mechanism that seems to be delivering, then grinding up, flakes of dead tentacle skin into a fine powder. Theory seems to be that this is the origin of the Mould itself! (50 exp)
- Nix, peering off into the darkness of the next room, is assaulted by a tentacle and dragged off! Oh shit! The party rushes to help, except for Mairead who unhelpfully spends the next forty minutes trying to work out how long it would take to fall to the centre of the earth if stone was air. (50 exp)
- The room is fucking chock-full of cultists. Grey-robed, red-robed, and even one dude in yellow robes. There's definitely a hierarchy here. (50 exp)
- Blue Jon attempts parley, but gets grabbed by a summoned tentacle and bashed into a wall. At the back, Nix is undergoing a similar issue. (50 exp)
- Rake and Andromeda scattershot at once, mowing down most of the grey-robed cultists! Shit! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD casts web, punching a dude backwards a split second before the webs burst out of his orifices. Tentacles and cultists alike are trapped by the sticky web! (50 exp)
- Mairead finally turns up having calculated something we googled thirty minutes earlier, tries to gambit to kneecap the yellow cultists... and kneecaps herself. Two limbs left for poor old Mairead. (50 exp)
- Nix throws the yellow cultists into a red, disrupting their tentacle-control ritual and causing two tentacles to flee. It's late and I'm sick so I cheat on a roll for the first time in years... the remaining cultists morale breaks and they run for their lives. (50 exp)
- Nix chops one in half as they run past, because Opportunity Attacks and all. Those cultists stuck in the web are murdered by the party and they drag Nix through the web or something. (50 exp)
- Hiding behind the web barricade... the party can rest for now. Phew! (50 exp)
Total: 2550 exp

- AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa bonus (50 exp)
- Absolutely Disgusting 
bonus (50 exp)
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Bookworm bonus (50 exp)
- Breach and Clear bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Classic Charles bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)
- Enmity Inciter bonus (50 exp)- Headtaker bonus (50 exp)
- High as Fuck bonus (50 exp)- Leave a Man Behind bonus (50 exp)
- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)
- Mad Inventor bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- RSPCA bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- Spoopy bonus (50 exp)
- Tactical Fighting bonus (50 exp)
- Tentacle Molestation bonus (50 exp)
- This! Is! Sparta! bonus (50 exp)
- Tomb Raider bonus (50 exp)
Total: 1150 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Caller (Tom / Rake - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Fraser / Nix - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Charales / Zena - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (James / Mairead - 100 exp)
- Guard (Ollie / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Tracker (Henry / Blue Jon - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Tom, Ollie - 100 exp)
- Smart Attack bonus (James / Mairead - 1 exp)
- Snackbringer bonus (Tom, Fraser - 100 exp ea.)
Near Death Experience bonus (Mairead - 100 exp)
- None down here

Death Toll and Injuries:
- Mairead kneecapped herself!
Exp Totals:
- Fraser / 
Nix Neckbiter, Level 5 Barbarian: 17433 (Level up at 32000)
*DING!* +1d8 HP! +2 rolls on Barbarian Level-Up Table! +Backstory!
- Henry / Blue Jon Goujon, Level 4 Magic-User: 16809 (Level up at 18000)
- Kitty / 
POWERLAD!, Level 4 Muscle Wizard: 16038 (Level up at 18000)
- Ollie / Andromeda Spiderbite, Level 4 Muscle Wizard: 15513 (Level up at 18000)
- Tom / Rake Hacker, Level 4 Fighter: 15601 (Level up at 16000)
- Andy / Banjo Fishwick, Level 4 Specialist (Thief): 7611 (Level up at 12000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +2 Skill Points! +Backstory!
- Charles / Zena, Level 3 Fighter: 7446 (Level up at 8000)
- James / Mairead, Level 3 Specialist (Policewoman): 5784 (Level up at 6000)

Absent or Retired:
Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)
- James, Raaf van Held, Level 2 Fighter: 3544 (Level up at 4000)
- Tom / 
Insanity Mammoth, Level 3 Barbarian: 5192 (Level up at 8000)
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)

Monday, 15 May 2017

Session 136 - Guys I Think This Might Be a Tentacle Dungeon

Why did it have to be tentacles?! A lot of reward for a lot of risk, so that worked out pretty much perfect. My poor, poor basilisks though. First time I use a proper D&D monster and they get magic-punched to death.
I decided to update the house rule doc with a few of the new bits and pieces like backstory and the new Zeanism religion.
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This is the new religion grid thing. Zeanist Clerics get a spell that makes drugs have no downsides for the duration. Also gives Zeanist faithful a holy contact high, so that's probably exploitable! 

Combat wonk:
- Stabby weapons like swords are a simple +1 to hit now.
- Shanky weapons now have a chance of bonus damage in a wrestle.
- Smashy weapons get +2 to hit against Medium armour or better.
- Reworded Parry

And on that note, Tom made us some rad new character sheets! Check this shit out!
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Saves got renamed and Search is called Awareness, but more importantly there's space for a portrait now!

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Kitty depicts POWERLAD! and Andromeda's superhero high-five double-attack!

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- Tom shows us Rake's TRUE POWER

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- Charles doodles happenings mid-remembrance

Session 136 - Guys I Think This Might Be a Tentacle Dungeon
Campaign Date:
Wednesday, 3 May, 1660
Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous
Zodiac: Aries

New Backstory:
- Rake fought for the Spanish during the Dutch Revolt. His vast collection of trousers was his pride and joy, but one day he was forced to use them all to build a wall to protect a Dutch town. It kept the enemy out... but Rake was left trouserless. (Once per session, prevent something from breaking a barrier or fortification)
- Banjo Fishwick left his home for the cities to use his pickpocketing skills for maximum profit. As he became infamous in each place, he was forced to move on, but always to another city. (+1 Charisma)

Enemies Defeated:
- Several floppy flaily cultist innards (40 exp)
- A few grey-robed cultists  (30 exp)
- 2 surging tentacle organisms (150 exp)
- 4 Gold-horned basilisks (300 exp)
- A fairly large tentacle (50 exp)
Total: 570 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- 4 egg-like black stones (1000 exp)
- A tangled silver ball (1000 exp)
- 4 basilisk heads with gold horns (20000 exp)
- Friendship ( - team chat engaged! - )
Total: 22000 exp

- First party to reach the first level of the Tentacle Dungeon (100 exp)
- 2 Wandering Monster encounters (100 exp)
- 2 secret doors found (100 exp)
Total: 300 exp

- We rejoin the party as the cultists Rake killed last session burst open and floppy tentacular human-faced things burst out of them! (50 exp)
- They're disposed of easily by crossbow and sword, inspection reveals them to be sort of melted rubbery humans. (50 exp)
- Andromeda gives an arm to her dog as a chew toy. Staring down the pit, Blue John sends his kestrel familiar down to scout. (50 exp)
- Basically you've got three doors on three landings, stairs degrade before they reach the third door, a cave mouth yawns a little below the first landing. (50 exp)
- Make-Light runes are activated and the party descends. The first landing is reached - the door is carved with an image of the world with an enormous tentacle beast reaching from the core. One tendril reaches out as a doorknob. (50 exp)
- It's decided that the cave mouth below should be explored. Blue John's kestrel can't see in the dark, so Andromeda casts Light on her falcon and sends it down as well. (50 exp)
- They don't return. Blue John's mental link gives him an impression of soaring, then plummeting, then stillness. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD and Andromeda prepare to swing into the cave on ropes. Cecil Blesses Andromeda first in case anything goes wrong. They swing down, tie one of the ropes to the other, and tie themselves on in case they need to be dragged back by Rake. (50 exp)
- There's a steady glow from ahead, and this cave has got a fair number of eerie stalagmites that look a little like frozen people in the light. (50 exp)
- Above, Mairead spots the first floor door creep open and a tendril come searching round the side before darting back in. Everyone up top is on alert. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD and Andromeda have advanced enough to find a stone kestrel and hawk lying on the ground. Oh no! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD goes to grab the kestrel since it's Blue Jon's familiar and all. Andromeda thinks it's too dangerous and tries to drag her away to no avail. (50 exp)
- Big gold-horned lizards scurry in towards them! Too late to run now! Birds turned to stone... lizards... big horns... Basilisks for sure! (50 exp)
- Andromeda and POWERLAD avert their gaze, lock eyes... and rainbow high-five combo! Rainbows burst from the point of contact, blowing one apart as it leaps towards them and knocking another off the wall! (50 exp)
- Above, the door bursts open! Rake, still holding the rope, turns to see Zena cleave through two tentacle cultists. 2ez. (50 exp)
- Below, Andromeda lets loose blindly with a scattershot charge which nails another of the beasts. Two down! Another claws at POWERLAD who refuses to look away from Andromeda's eyes. (50 exp)
- Somewhere, far above, Bertha gets a flash of doubt about POWERLAD's relationship commitment. (50 exp)
- They combo again with a big Sleep attack, putting the last two basilisks to sleep! It's a simple task to go finish them off in their sleep. Pretty impressive! (50 exp)
- They karate-chop the heads off the basilisks. The golden horns with spiraling iron look pretty valuable, and the heads themselves will look real cool mounted on a wall (50 exp)
- Blue Jon's familiar is still turned to stone... but it manages to regrow a layer of skin and feathers over the top. Now it looks like a kestrel that slides through the air like it's stuck in a reference pose. (50 exp)
- At the landing, scrambling tentacular beasts surge from the door! Nix is in the way, but manages to kick the first off the edge! While she's distracted, the second wraps around her and drags her into the darkness! (50 exp)
- They wrestle... but both roll a 1! The creature tears at Nix's flesh with a swirling starfish-mouth. (50 exp)
- Zena sees this and runs into the darkness! She overshoots, runs past the swirling wrestle, and stumbles into an altar. One of the black ant-egg-shaped stones rolls off onto the floor. (50 exp)
- Zena stabs at the tentacle beast from the altar-side. It chucks Nix down the corridor, toppling those running to assist like ninepins, then turns to attack Zena! (50 exp)
- It chomps the shit out of Zena and she passes out from the pain. From the corridor, Banjo and Blue Jon charge in! Blue Jon spears a tentacle, Banjo flails with his hook. (50 exp)- Cecil's hand touches Nix's leg as she stands up... COMES THE GODHEAD! HyperJesus infuses her spirit... Nix gets a full-on magical girl transformation! (50 exp)
- Hyper-Nix charges in, Maximum Smite! d30, on! It's a crit! Maximum Smite + Choppy Bonus + Barbarian Crit Boost = max damage x6! 48 damage! (50 exp)
- Nix does these ones. (50 exp)
- It explodes into blood, splatting a perfect nine-spoked wheel and turin shroud hyperjesus silhouette onto the altar and wall behind it. It's super fucking dead. (50 exp)
- Nix does the whole pose-while-baddie-explodes-behind-you thing and returns to her normal form. (50 exp)
- Mairead investigates the altar... it moves! Moving the altar causes a hole in the wall to squelch open, it's a tight squeeze but you could totally crawl in there. (50 exp)
- She enters, holding a Make-Light glyph like a torch. It's squelchy and cobwebby in there, and even the spiders seem to have tentacles for legs. (50 exp)
- She crawls past a couple of smooth holes that presumably lead somewhere, and sets off a trap! A rock swings down and cracks her on the arm, she has to be rescued by Blue Jon (50 exp)
- Zena whips up a Make-Light-Mass glyph in the hopes that it will give Mairead some temporary succour. It works, for as long as she holds it on! (50 exp)
- Blue Jon decides to explore the hole himself, get to about the same place and gets bitten by a spider! It's way poisonous so they have to extract him too (50 exp)
- Andromeda and Rake descend the pit to the second doorway. Similar deal to before, except the image is of the world splitting apart around the tentacle beast's body. (50 exp)
- Rake goes in to inspect, sees another altar with an object on it... and is assailed by hooded figures! Oh no! (50 exp)
- Rake kicks them off and dives to the side as Andromeda lets loose a Scattershot charge. They die! (50 exp)
- The treasure is grabbed, a sort of tangled ball of wrought silver tentacles representing the beast in the core of the Earth. Neat! (50 exp)
- The party has a bit of a breather to recuperate... but a tentacle darts out of the pit and tries to drag Zena away! (50 exp)
- Andromeda summons an illusory giant tentacle... which the real tentacle disbelieves. Maybe it just can't see it? (50 exp)
- POWERLAD! summons her classic illusory apocalypse dragon! Which almost works, but is also disbelieved. (50 exp)
- Mairead sends her hero dog to fetch the tentacle, saving Zena! Hooray! But the dog itself falls down and down and out of sight. What a hero. (50 exp)
- Charles utters the classic line - "Guys... I think this might be a tentacle dungeon". (50 exp)
- With wizards down a few spells and several people in a pretty bad way, the party bugs out and makes camp on the outskirts of the woods. All survived!! (50 exp)
Total: 2250 exp

- AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaa bonus (50 exp)
- Absolutely Disgusting 
bonus (50 exp)
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (50 exp)
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)
- Breach and Clear bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Rescue bonus (50 exp)
- Freudian bonus (50 exp)
- Headtaker bonus (50 exp)
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)
- Leave a Man Behind bonus (50 exp)
- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)
- Noblebright bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Shunga bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- Tentacle Molestation bonus (50 exp)
- This! Is! Sparta! bonus (50 exp)
- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus (50 exp)
- WWE bonus (50 exp)
Total: 1100 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Charles / Zena - 100 exp)
- Caller (James / Mairead - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Fraser / Nix - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Henry / Blue Jon - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Tom / Rake - 100 exp)
- Guard (Ollie / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Snackbringer bonus (Charles, Fraser, Kitty - 100 exp ea.)
- Art Attack bonus (Tom, Kitty, Charles - 100 exp ea.)
- Artapalooza bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Made us a new Character Sheet! (Tom / Rake - 1000 exp)

- Near Death Experience bonus (Mairead, Zena - 100 exp ea.)

- None down here

Death Toll and Injuries:
- Playboy the Police Dog, sacrificed to save Zena from a tentacular fate.

Exp Totals:
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 5 Cleric (Termaxian): 15063 (Level up at 28000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 level 3 spell/day! +1 level 2 spell/day! +saves improve! +backstory!
- Fraser / 
Nix Neckbiter, Level 4 Barbarian: 14664 (Level up at 16000)- Henry / Blue John Goujon, Level 4 Magic-User: 14140 (Level up at 18000)
- Kitty / 
POWERLAD!, Level 4 Muscle Wizard: 13369 (Level up at 18000)
- Ollie / Andromeda Spiderbite, Level 4 Muscle Wizard: 12844 (Level up at 18000)
- Tom / Rake Hacker, Level 4 Fighter: 12632 (Level up at 16000)
- Andy / Banjo Fishwick, Level 3 Specialist (Thief): 5042 (Level up at 6000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +2 skill points! +backstory!
- Charles / Zena, Level 3 Fighter: 4777 (Level up at 8000)
*DING!* +1d8 HP! +1 to hit! +backstory!
*DING!* +1d8 HP! +1 to hit! +backstory!
- James / Mairead, Level 3 Specialist (Policewoman): 3014 (Level up at 6000)

*DING!* +1d6 HP! +2 skill points! +backstory!*DING!* +1d6 HP! +2 skill points! +backstory!

Absent or Retired:
- James, Raaf van Held, Level 2 Fighter: 3544 (Level up at 4000)
- Tom / 
Insanity Mammoth, Level 3 Barbarian: 5192 (Level up at 8000)
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)

Sunday, 7 May 2017

Session 135 - Disasters Averted

Some actual heroics... and some actual villainy!
Rake and Andromeda, hero and villain, neither knowing that they are sworn to destroy each other!
ZARAT takes the non-heroic non-villainous green ending, maybe the first character to have a happy ending to their story!
Necromancers give the party a mission to wipe out some tentacle cultists, but which faction is more villainous?

A bunch of Art Attack today. Make sure you check out the Harry Potter-style Wanted poster Ollie made, attached to this email. Seems I can't embed video!

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Charles scribbles the tentacle killing Rake's warhorse mid-session
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- Tom improves on perfection

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- I depict ZARAT's peaceful final rest in the mould pile
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- Charles draws, "Sick, hurt and hunted by the cruel uncaring world, Zarat comes to terms with his fate and seeks refuge with the mould enclave...for the first time he feels he's finally found a place he belongs, and is accepted for who he is. 🐀"

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- I show Zena's dreams of Hyperjesus by ripping off KSBD

Session 135 - Disasters Averted
Campaign Date:
Monday, 1 May, 1660
Moon Phase: Waning Gibbous
Zodiac: Aries

New Backstory:
- Blue John just can't keep hold of money. He gambles it away as soon as he earns it. (+1 to Gambits)
- Andromeda witnessed a gypsy boy stealing a gun to get revenge on the gypsy-bashing drunks who beat up his mother. Andromeda protected the kid after he was caught by the weapons trader, ultimately killing him. She also killed the man who'd beaten the boy's mother before fleeing the town forever. (+1 to hit guards, soldiers, and other forces of Johnny Law)
- Raaf took part in the wars of the Dutch Revolt. During the burning of an enemy encampment, he realised that innocents were caught in the blaze. He rescued them, but burned his face and got stabbed for his trouble. (take half damage from fire)
- POWERLAD was beckoned over to the deathbed of the kindly farmer who raised him. He whispered the secret that shattered POWERLAD's world forever... his true parentage. (+1 Wisdom)

Enemies Defeated:
- The Bogwitch (10 exp)
- 6 city guards (60 exp)
- 5 tentacle cultists (60 exp)
Total: 130 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- 5 churros
- 26sp (26 exp)
- Potion #194 - Silvery with a gold coin fizzing like a berocca inside
- Book #253 - Herbs (100 exp)
- Book #253 - Herbs (100 exp)
- Book #225 - Anatomy (100 exp)
- Book #251 - Diseases (100 exp)
- Book #119 - Dwimmermount (100 exp)
- Book #147 - Jesus (probably a bible) (100 exp)
Total: 626 exp

- First party to visit the Moondin Arena (100 exp)
- First party to visit Moonminster (100 exp)
- First party to reach the Chained Tentacle (200 exp)
- 18 miles of travel (60 exp)
Total: 460 exp

--- The Adventures of ZARAT and the Bogwitch
The most pressing concern at the start of the session - ZARAT is back! And just covered in mould. Sporangia and all. No way anybody's letting him in the city. (50 exp)
- He gives the guards a hefty bribe and they bring him to the Bogwitch under the cover of escorting him to be punished or something. (50 exp)
- They reach the Bogwitch, and on the way see a smooth, perfect, sexless living statue giving out advice to townsfolk. No arms like the Venus de Milo. Moving on. (50 exp)
- Nix and Blue John tail them at a safe distance, in case something goes wrong. And we all know Blue John's attitude to mould. (50 exp)
- Apparently ZARAT is the child of a witch and her rat familiar, as an aside. (50 exp)
- Unfortunately ZARAT's so uncharismatic due to the mould that the reaction roll legitimately goes into the negatives. The witch HATES ratmen. She ties him to a chair under the pretense of healing him and tries to kill him. A pillow presses over ZARAT's face... (50 exp)
- ZARAT blows his spore cloud, infesting everyone in the room! He himself gets massively paranoid, tied down in the chair, while the new infestees go through a whole range of symptoms. Two of the guards get real aggressive. (50 exp)
- ZARAT's rat swarms chew him out of his bonds as Blue John charges in with a mould mask, attacking and soon killing the guards. He goes to unchain ZARAT... but he's gone?! (50 exp)
- A paranoid ZARAT has wriggled himself out through a hole near the floor. Blue John debates whether he should shrink himself and follow, but ends up leaving. (50 exp)
- Blue John and Nix leave the Bogwitch after looting a bunch of books... and hear screams in the distance. It sounds like it's coming from the arena! (50 exp)
--- The Tragedies of Moondin Arena
- Earlier that day... most of the party has headed to the arena. Rake Hacker takes himself to the fantasy ticket box and volunteers HIMSELF for arena battle! Is there a low level starter battle he can get in on? Preferably increasing slowly in difficulty with occasional boss battles? (50 exp)
- He's told that the arena is pretty much a bloodless undead-on-undead battle arena akin to robot wars. Necromancers bring their most ruthless necromantic creations and test them in glorious battle! (50 exp)
- There is a re-enactment of the Assault on Mt Death Frost coming up that needs people to play the barbarians though. Rake declines on discovering the Barbarians all die at the end. Spoilers. (50 exp)
- That afternoon's bout is between the Crocobeasts and Alphabearon - animal themed undead. Odds are even so it looks to be a good match! (50 exp)
- In the stands, POWERLAD is on a date with his new wife Bertha. They're... actually real cute together. (50 exp)
- Banjo Fishwick is on the rob, scoping out unsuspecting marks and stealing their wallets when the crowd roars. Also stealing their churros. He also finds a potion that is likely a Potion of Treasure Finding. (50 exp)
- By the bookies, Rake is gambling all he's got on the Crocobeasts! The bookie takes his money, but Rake hears him muttering that it's rigged towards Alphabearon! Rake sobs! It's tense! (50 exp)
- And atop the arena itself, rifled arquebus in hand... Andromeda draws a bead on the black-armoured eight-foot-tall Sauron-esque Necromancer-General presiding over proceedings... (50 exp)
- To the bookie's dismay, Alphabearon loses! Torn limb from limb by the ravening Crocabeasts! Looks like his info was bad, or maybe Alphabearon refused to take the fall! (50 exp)
- The bookie doesn't have the money for a payout, things look dire. He begs Rake to get him away from the angry punters and Rake obliges, grabbing him and hoofing it towards the exit. (50 exp)
- Suddenly, a shot rings out! The shot rings off the Necromancer-General's black armour. He looks up and sees a pink-armoured figure glowering atop the arena roof, gun in hand! He is dragged back from the balcony as the stadium is locked down, her face etched into his mind. (50 exp)
- The crowd panics. Rake's the first out and manages to clear the portcullis of the exit as it slams down, grabbing the bookie out from under like he's Indiana Jones' hat. They're locking down the arena! (50 exp)
- But the crowd, panicking, is being crammed against the portcullis from the inside. It's basically the Hillsborough disaster. Rake runs to the portcullis, straining to lift the gate and save everyone! (50 exp)
- He manages it, but just a moment too slow. A small child is crushed against the grate. Countless lives have been saved this day... but one was lost. The screaming crowd flow out around Rake cradles the boy's corpse. A poignant scene if you disregard Rake's clumsy attempts to hit on the dead kid's mother. (50 exp)
- Andromeda escapes across the rooftops, unheeding. She doesn't know that Rake is the hero of the Arena Disaster now, and he doesn't know that it was she that fired the shot. Drama! POWERLAD and Bertha's date is ruined, by the way. (50 exp)
- The bookie, overawed by Rake's heroics, promises to dedicate his life to good works and charity. (50 exp)
- Rake and Raaf go to see the black-armoured Necromancer-General, Castigate Pox, in his office in the town's garrison. Rake's new hero reputation gets them in easy! (50 exp)
- They play bad cop/badder cop and ask if he needs anything heroic done. Turns out his major headaches are the drakencult to the south, and whatever's guarding the giant tentacle to the west. (50 exp)
- Rake keeps going back into the Necromancer's office to ask for "oh just one more thing". Upside - in exchange for promising to sort out the tentacle, Rake bargains some equipment for the party! Everyone gets outfitted with army surplus! (50 exp)
--- ZARAT gets the Green Ending
- Waking up in a post-high haze, ZARAT finds himself alone and surrounded by rats in a rubbish heap (50 exp)
- He heads for the cathedral, hoping a healer who isn't dead might live there. He knocks at the boarded up door... and the voice of Moldus Vane answers (50 exp)
- "That's, like, a guy!" breathes Tom, because he's read some of my book. Nobody else has though so Tom gets mocked. (50 exp)
- On hearing that ZARAT is nearly overtaken by mould, a hidden door in the boarded up double doors is opened. Within are many mould people. ZARAT feels at home for the first time... and goes into their embrace. We zoom out as ZARAT finally finds his people. A good end. (50 exp)
--- The Day of the Tentacle
- Re-outfitted and without ZARAT, the party heads across the boggy forest towards the big fuckoff tentacle in the distance. On the way, they meet up with Zena. A Fighter from the Wastes who was/wasn't in Dunnsmouth (50 exp)
- After an uneventful journey along the elf roads that seem to lead the party straight to the tentacle, the party see it up close! A huge pit, from which emerges an enormous tentacle bound by chains. Mist shrouds the area, steaming from the necromantically charged chains. (50 exp)
- Robed shapes in the mist murmer strange chants. Rake rides forwards atop his newly acquired warhorse to investigate! (50 exp)
- It's hard to see in the mist, the chanting burbles to a culmination and a tentacle erupts from underneath Rake! It pierces right through his horse! He sees robed cultists around him, arms raised high! (50 exp)
- Rake tries to talk to them despite the fact they just killed his fucking horse, but they don't reply. (50 exp)
- Blue John sends his kestrel familiar to claw out one's eyes... and the kestrel is shocked to discover the guy has no eyes! Its face is flat and featureless like the skin of a tentacle! (50 exp)
- The horse-killing tentacle drops Rake's horse into the pit, then squirms back to attack Rake! He's grabbed and lifted into the air! (50 exp)
- Raaf and Blue John action-jump through the air, firing shots downrange towards the tentacle holding Rake. Raaf tries to explain that he'd prefer to be called Mairead from now on in mid-air. They hit the tentacle and it drops Rake, but a stray shot nearly takes his head off! (50 exp)
- Rake gets up and hews into two of the cultists with his axe. The others flee! Inspecting the bodies, they're some sort of strange tentacle people. Their torsos ripple strangely... guess we'll see what that means next session. (50 exp)
Total: 2100 exp

- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (50 exp)
- Antagonist Antagoniser bonus (50 exp)- Antagonist Appeaser bonus (50 exp)- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)- Dramatic Scene bonus (50 exp)- Fame bonus (50 exp)- High as Fuck bonus (50 exp)- Infamy bonus (50 exp)- Leave a Man Behind bonus (50 exp)- Noblebright bonus (50 exp)- PETA bonus (50 exp)- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)- Tentacle Molestation bonus (50 exp)
Total: 800 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (James / Raaf - 100 exp)
- Caller (Ollie / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Fraser / Nix - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Charles / Zena - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Guard (Henry / Blue John - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Ollie, Charles, Tom - 100 exp ea.)
- Attacco d'Arte bonus (Ollie, Charles, Tom - 100 exp ea)
- Snackbringer bonus (Andy, Fraser, Kitty - 100 exp ea.)
- Good End bonus (Charles / ZARAT - 500 exp to Zena)

- "You'd think that the infested people in Moondin would have all turned into mindless Filled Men by now, but they haven't. What gives?"
- "Prayers to Oberon, the God of the Nature and Growth, can prevent the mold sickness from taking you."
- "The men of Moondin were creating counterfeit Raise Gems and selling them to unfortunates in Fate for a tidy profit. Free raises for no-fault deaths sure put an end to that little racket!"
- "The mould men still infest the woods, and I've heard tell that there's still an enclave that survives under Moondin itself!"
- "There's an old hermit who lives in a tree out there in the woods somewhere. He lives beneath a tree with roots made of gold and talks to animals and chews strange herbs to keep the mold at bay."
-The Dead Treaty is only as strong as those who enforce it. If even a single Necromancer-General could be toppled… we could shift the balance of power to retake our rightful lands!"

Death Toll and Injuries:
- ZARAT, joined with the mould collective in Moonminster... at peace forever.

Exp Totals:
- Fraser / Nix Neckbiter, Level 4 Barbarian: 11550 (Level up at 16000)- Henry / Blue John Goujon, Level 4 Magic-User: 11126 (Level up at 18000)
- Kitty / 
POWERLAD!, Level 4 Muscle Wizard: 10255 (Level up at 18000)
- Ollie / Andromeda Spiderbite, Level 4 Muscle Wizard: 9830 (Level up at 18000)
- Tom / Rake Hacker, Level 4 Fighter: 8518 (Level up at 16000)
*DING!* +1d8 HP! +1 to hit! +Saves Improve! +Backstory!
- Charles / ZARAT, Level 3 Ratman: 4739 (Level up at 6000)*SYNTHESIS ENDING*
- James, Raaf van Held in a wig, Level 2 Fighter: 3544 (Level up at 4000)
- Andy / Banjo Fishwick, Level 2 Specialist (Thief): 2128 (Level up at 3000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +2 Skill Points! +Backstory!
- Charles / Zena, Level 1 Fighter: 1663 (Level up at 2000)

Absent or Retired:
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 4 Cleric (Termaxian): 12149 (Level up at 14000)
- Tom / 
Insanity Mammoth, Level 3 Barbarian: 5192 (Level up at 8000)
- James / Sergei, Level 1 Specialist (Poisoner): 632 (Level up at 1500)
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)

Tuesday, 2 May 2017

Session 134 - No Country for Mould Men

Just like a lot happened this session. Long story short - the party's out of the woods!
We also had our first ever character-on-character murder which I hope hasn't opened the door to murderous PvP in the future.

It's game day, so without further ado, onto the art attacks and recap itself!

Inline images 1
- Andy graces us with a depiction of Captain Book's final bum-poking moments

Inline images 2
- Ollie shows us Andromeda's new branding

Inline images 3
- Tom depants one of Rake's many charitable art donations

Inline images 4
- Ollie shows us Captain Book's last living moment as the emotional surge from the mould completely overwhelms him

Inline images 5
- Ollie draws a dead horse, probably Bastard

Session 134 - No Country for Mould Men

Campaign Date:
Monday, 23 April, 1660
Moon Phase: First Quarter
Zodiac: Aries

18 Days - ZARAT

New Backstory:
- Rake ran away from his family home after denying his grandparents hardcore Denialist beliefs. He was brought back by force to be burnt as a heretic, but managed to escape. (+1 Strength)
- Andromeda Spiderbite wanted to live up to the legends of Auntie Lulu she'd heard as a child. She went into the forest to wrestle a bear with her bare hands. The bear would have killed her if her latent magical abilities hadn't manifested at that moment and put the bear to sleep. (+1 Strength)
- Nix Neckbiter had to prove her bravery, and heal old wounds. She returned to her family home after the evil Rasputin-type wizard had destroyed it from within, finding naught but ashes and dust. (+1 Strength)

Enemies Defeated:
- Several already-dead undead (0 exp)
- A friendly coach driver (0 exp)
- The kindly Bogwitch (0 exp)
- A helpful Golden Chirurgeon (0 exp)
- Captain Book, high and weeping (0 exp)
Total: 0 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- Not much, except for a teapot or something.
Total: 0 exp

- 18 miles of travel (60 exp)
- 2 random encounters (40 exp)
- First party to enter the Poison Laboratory, however briefly (100 exp)
- Explored one dungeon room sorta kinda (20 exp)
- First party to enter the town of Helix (200 exp)
- First party to visit Moondin post-timeskip (500 exp)
Total: 920 exp

- Recovering on the banks of the river, the group decides to cross it and walk along on the barrows side. (50 exp)
- They pass a dead Necromancer, well-looted, and surrounded by already-dead zombies and stuff. Some zombie parts continue to writhe a little. (50 exp)
- Captain Book tries infesting a zombie head to no effect, while Andromeda puts a still-moving zombie hand under her hat for a scalp massage (50 exp)
- Cecil goes around smashing up the rest of the defeated Dead. Ez. (50 exp)
- Later in the day, the remains of a campsite are found. Snares and sprung traps surround the place, so it seems fairly recent. The party set up their own camp. (50 exp)
- Captain Book tries to sea shanty his way into a kiss. No takers. Thwarted, during his watch, he has his foul way with an animal. (50 exp)
- During Cecil's watch as the sun begins to rise, Cecil notices a defeated once-animated skeleton lying near the edge of camp, skull chopped in two. He smashes it. (50 exp)
- Blue John murders the horse that Captain Book infested last night. Gun to head. (50 exp)
- The party continue, heading past a Necromancer on the woods side and his undead retinue. They leave well enough alone. (50 exp)
- Finally, that afternoon, they come across a little pier and small warehouse! Better yet - a road leading from it! (50 exp)
- They loot the warehouse, finding a bunch of Necromancer supplies and clothes. Everything's got a sort of one-size-fits-all military feel. Bandoliers of Last Breath in metal tubes are taken and Rake dresses up as a 70s glam rock Necromancer. (50 exp)
- The door is slammed open and a sassy black stereotype walks in! Her voice seems to stick though so we roll with it. She introduces herself as Candycrush Bandicorn. (50 exp)
- She says she'll give the party a lift to the nearby town if they help her load the wagon. It seems she works for the trading company that supplies the town. (50 exp)
- The party accepts, frantic to find civilisation. Some hours later they arrive in the town of Helix, conveniently over-described. It's close to the Barrowmaze, an undead-themed megadungeon of some notoriety. (50 exp)
- The local church, "the Shrine of St Ygg", is visited. The priest seems lecherous and terribly stereotypical, making eyes at POWERLAD. Captain Book hints at buggery which is all but confirmed. (50 exp)
- The Brazen Strumpet, the local pub, is visited for rumours. It will later be discovered that the name is a reference to the infamous AD&D random harlot encounter table. (50 exp)
- The weird observatory tower is visited. The door is too high, and within is Mazzahs the Magnificent! Dickhead wizard! He invites Blue John in and they chat for a while. Seems he's too high level for Andromeda's Sleep Slap and when he tells Blue John to shoot him in the head he just spits out the bullet. (50 exp)
- They are suitably impressed! The wizard says he'll pay good money for any secrets the party can discover about the Barrowmaze, and may even teach Blue John some spells. What a nice guy! (50 exp)
- A quiet alarm sounds, Cleric detected nearby! Cecil Detect Evil's the tower and finds it drenched with chaotic energies. (50 exp)
- POWERLAD asks around about the bull head symbol on the crates - Candycrush informs that there's a couple of rival necromancer factions in the Barrowmaze. Her group is newer and uses an infinity symbol. (50 exp)
- He tries to seduce her to no avail, She laughs it off as youthful foolishness though. (50 exp)
- Deciding that they should head to a town to see what they can do about Captain Book and POWERLAD's disease, the party book a coach and pretty much fast travel there. (50 exp)
- On the way, the coach driver is mysteeeriously infested with mould. Blue John kills the driver and the body is dumped. (50 exp)
- It's party time for Cecil and Rake! They head to Moondin's large and well-organised red light district, while others ask around for a doctor. (50 exp)
- They are directed to the Bogwitch, who says she can heal their mould disease with some pretty horrid remedies. An alternative healer, the Golden Chirurgeon, is sought out instead. (50 exp)
- Rake knocks out the Bogwitch and Andromeda loots the body, grabbing a couple of bits and pieces. (50 exp)
- The Golden Chirurgeon has a strange gas mask and a long long robe that needs little animated hummingbirds to hold up the train. Very impressive. (50 exp)
- His methods are strange and arcane... but they work! POWERLAD is healed! (50 exp)
- Captain Book, while the Chirurgeon is distracted by healing POWERLAD, dives under the dude's robes with a mould chip on his finger... the surgeon's going to get shafted! (50 exp)
- It works flawlessly. While the Chirurgeon goes spinning off into his first mould trip, Book is overwhelmed by drug-wrought grief and breaks down sobbing beneath the voluminous robes. (50 exp)
- Blue John runs over to calm down Captain Book... with a bullet to the brain. Oh shit. Then he turns his other gun to the still-high Golden Chirurgeon and kills him too. (50 exp)
- Guards show up to investigate the gunshots... and catch Blue John with a literal smoking gun. He is promptly arrested. Nix, nearby, manages to blag her way out of having anything to do with this. (50 exp)
- Blue John pays a hefty bribe to get out of his punishment. Hooray! (50 exp)
- Carousing occurs! Most amusingly, POWERLAD! wakes up married! She's called Bertha, has a morbid sense of humour, wears glasses and blinks a lot. (50 exp)
- Nix wakes up in bed with a priest OOPS. He's got a bulbous nose and is utterly senile, so he doesn't even remember what happened! (50 exp)
- Blue John ends up back in jail and is forced to wear a Scold's Bridle. Hee hee. He magics it away as soon as convenient. (50 exp)
- Rake and Andromeda engage in a bit of philanthropy! Andromeda arms the prostitutes to sow some chaos, while Rake charitably donates to the brothels. Rake earns an excellent reputation in this town, while Andromeda gains the good favour of the Arch-Madam. (50 exp)
- We end on that, thank goodness we're back in civilisation! Next steps seem to be either one of two huge dungeons or sailing off to the new world in the hunt for El Dorado. Guess we'll see! (50 exp)
Total: 1900 exp

- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (50 exp)- Anal Violation bonus (50 exp)- Antagonist Antagoniser bonus (50 exp)- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)- Coitus boners (50 exp)- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)- Enmity Inciter bonus (50 exp)- First Against the Wall bonus (50 exp)- High as Fuck bonus (50 exp)- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)- Infamy bonus (50 exp)- Internecine Strife bonus (50 exp)- Leave a Man Behind bonus (50 exp)- PETA bonus (50 exp)- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)- War Crime bonus (50 exp)
Total: 900 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Henry / Blue John - 100 exp)
- Caller (Ollie / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Fraser / Nix - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Will / Cecil - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Kitty / POWERLAD - 100 exp)
- Guard (Tom / Rake - 100 exp)
- Snackbringer bonus (Fraser, Andy, maybe others - 100 exp ea.)
- Art Attack bonus (Tom, Andy, Ollie - 100 exp ea)
- First Time Art Attack! (Andy - 100 exp)
- Attacco D'Arte (Tom - 100 exp)
- Artapalooza bonus (Ollie - 100 exp)
- Carousing! (All - varies)
- Philanthropy! (Rake, Andromeda - varies)- Mandatory Suicide bonus (Andy's next character - 500 exp)
- The mutated people of Barrowmaze guard wonderful treasures
- The Dead have been seen walking the Barrowmoor with increasing frequency
- The spirits of the Dead will not harm you if you leave an offering at each barrow.
- Runic tablets contain curses, but some contain information
- Barrowmaze is 4 levels deep
- Tomb-robbers recently returned with a silver chalice worth 666sp.

Death Toll and Injuries:
- Captain Book, murdered in cold blood by Blue John after he started getting a little too infectious.

Exp Totals:
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 4 Cleric (Termaxian): 12149 (Level up at 14000)- Andy / Captain Book, Level 4 Specialist (Pirate): 9791 (Level up at 12000)
- Fraser / Nix Neckbiter, Level 4 Barbarian: 10835 (Level up at 16000)- Henry / Blue John Goujon, Level 4 Magic-User: 10511 (Level up at 18000)*DING!* +1d4 HP! +1 level 2 spell/day! +free spell! +backstory!
- Kitty / 
POWERLAD!, Level 4 Muscle Wizard: 9540 (Level up at 18000)*DING!* +1d4 HP! +1 level 2 spell/day! +free spell! +backstory!
- Ollie / Andromeda Spiderbite, Level 4 Muscle Wizard: 9015 (Level up at 18000)*DING!* +1d4 HP! +1 level 2 spell/day! +free spell! +backstory!
- Tom / Rake Hacker, Level 3 Fighter: 7803 (Level up at 8000)
- James, Raaf van Held, Level 2 Fighter: 2929 (Level up at 4000)
*DING!* +1d8 HP! +1 to hit! +backstory!
- Andy / Andy's Next Character: +1165 exp

Absent or Retired:
- Tom / Insanity Mammoth, Level 3 Barbarian: 5192 (Level up at 8000)
- Charles / ZARAT, Level 3 Ratman: 4739 (Level up at 6000)

- James / Sergei, Level 1 Specialist (Poisoner): 632 (Level up at 1500)

- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)

Friday, 21 April 2017

Session 133 - Mascot Massacre

A sad day for all, as almost every horse the party owns is killed by brain-eating deer and Svolich is eaten by same as he attempts to befriend them.

While Moondin is still so very far away, and the paths through the woods seem untrustworthy, the party has found their way to a river which Rake believes he can use to work out just where they've managed to end up.
That's sort of a win!

- I attempt to draw Rake's KILLSMASH CUTTING RAZOR CUT finishing move

- Tom depicts Cecil's... unique... means of Detecting Evil.

Session 133 - Mascot Massacre
Campaign Date:
Monday, 16 April, 1660
Moon Phase: Waxing Crescent
Zodiac: Pisces

10 Days - Captain Book

New Backstory:
- Captain Book's father ran a cult to "help people". Book hated it, and escaped to the sea to begin a life of daring piracy! (+1 to selfless acts)
- Rake's grandparents were hardcore Denialists (Rake's related to the van Helds on the maternal side), Rake rebelled, and on the fields of battle he realised that there are no gods. Only DEATH! (Apostate to Denialism, but Denialist spells have half effect.)
- Andromeda was raised by gypsies after her mother abandoned her. The child of a barbarian and a wizard, she was always a girl in opposition. Anyway, one time she made good porridge and the gypsies liked it so much she had to run away. (+1 Dex)
- Cecil's greatest regret is not brewing his sex change potion right. If he could go back, he'd do it all again. (Once per session, get a take-back)
- Svolich grassed on his cooking partner, who was understandably very disappointed. (Force an attack, saving throw and/or skill check to succeed, once each per session. You get -2 to that roll for the rest of the session)

Enemies Defeated:- 4 jaggy-legged brainsucker deer, killed or briefly tamed (200 exp)
- A group of tree-ghouls distracted with horse haunch (300 exp)
Total: 500 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- Half-full ink bottle
- Negative one brain
Total: 0 exp

- 18 miles of travel (60 exp)
- 2 random encounters (40 exp)
- First party to enter the Poison Laboratory, however briefly (100 exp)
- Explored one dungeon room sorta kinda (20 exp)
Total: 220 exp

- Taking stock after last week's thrilling escape, the party deface the wagons to hide the Necromancer symbols on the sides. The Necromancer's horse is renamed Bastard. Andromeda names hers Hotshot. (50 exp)
- Captain Book returns!.. with a latent mould infestation. He's handling it, even though he can't feel empathy naturally any more. (50 exp)
- A night is spent sleeping in wagons at the remains of an old campsite by the side of the road. Half a bottle of ink is found. This will turn out to be the only treasure found this session. (50 exp)
- Morning arrives. Book's mould infestation has begun to creep out over his skin. Andromeda's been reading the Necromancer book during the night. (50 exp)
- Allegedly there are currently 9234 Necromancers in Loegria. Andromeda marks one down. Also, Cyrus Carnithrex Maximus the vampire king is still around! (50 exp)
- The book on the New World is also perused - apparently the city of El Dorado is (roll roll) REEAALL! (50 exp)
- They head off in the presumed direction of Moondin. Coming to a branch in the road marked by a large cairn. Andromeda climbs a tree to get a bearing. In the distance she sees the big chained tentacle... (50 exp)
- But she also sees a weird sword-legged tentacle-mouthed deer thing limping down the northwest road. (50 exp)
- Cecil sees it too. His horse is spooked. The deer continues limping forwards, sword-legs spiking into the mud. The party, slow at first then faster, ride the other way. (50 exp)
- But it's an ambush! Three more leap from the woods, and the limping one stops pretending to limp! "Clever girl...", says Andromeda. (50 exp)
- High speed chase/combat scene begins! Wagon and horses surge forwards as the sword-deer scythe into the fray! (50 exp)
- Horse health is suddenly necessary. Hotshot has... two hp. The horse dies instantly as the leaping deer demon's legs stab into its flank! (50 exp)
- Para and Lel have an HP pool due to their bond. Both must live, or neither. Para is attacked, a deer slashing along his ribs. (50 exp)
- Rake jumps from the wagon onto Para, hits the deer off the prized horse. Captain Book slings a knife and hits another. Cecil acts as outrider, detouring through the forest before galloping up alongside. (50 exp)
- Three deer all head for Book's wagon. Luckily two of them jump into the wagon itself and just kinda ruin it, while another fluffs the jump at Book and just sort of hangs off the roof. (50 exp)
- Rake tries an epic leap from the roof of one wagon to the other! Andromeda casts Enlarge as she gives him a boost!... but double gambit fail, misses the jump and hits the ground hard. Cecil rides round to pick the larger Rake up off the ground. Also it turns out that Rake is like a reverse Hulk, when hulking out his trousers are torn off but his shirt stretches. (50 exp)
- Lel is attacked by one of the wagon deer. It gets both legs in and begins slurping down horse-brain. Lel and Para die simultaneously. I really was hoping they'd be the new party mascots, a tear is shed. (50 exp)
- Captain Book is slashed and pinned by deer-claws. His last ditch attempt - feed it some mould! It... works?! (50 exp)
- The deer is tripping oooout. Andy's high has him super worried about everyone. He runs to the back of the unruined wagon and hides under a blanket. (50 exp)
- Andromeda's on one hp. She's got one spell left. Casting it will knock her out. SLEEP SLAP! on one of the other deer.... it totally works! They pass out together. (50 exp)
- Cecil and Rake, whose so large his feet are almost touching the ground despite being on horseback, ride in to protect Andromeda from the other deer! Cecil gives Rake the Godhead in addition to his Enlarge! Dude's juiced! (50 exp)
- The horse Bastard gets raked by deer-legs and Rake's sword slash does fuck all, despite the power of Chaos and Law juicing him up. HyperJesus works in mysterious ways. (50 exp)
- Just then, Svorich cruises in on his horse Molly! He winds down the horse's mane, aims his crossbow through the gap, and hits Rake in a random ride-by shooting. Shot! (50 exp)
- Cecil's healing magic goes off, restoring Andromeda to life! Hooray! But not so much hooray when the deer gets under Bastard and slices the poor horse's belly open, spilling its steaming guts onto the floor. (50 exp)
- Enough's enough! As the horse falls, Rake is EMPOWERED! He unleashes the mighty KILLSMASH CUTTING RAZOR CUT courtesy of an online anime move generator. The deer is diced! (50 exp)
- With one deer asleep, another tripping balls, and the other two dead, the cinematic ruckus is over. Phew! But alas, four horses have died. Like holy shit. Svolich's Molly is the only equine survivor, mostly because she turned up late (50 exp)
- Rake goes to finish off the sleeping deer-creature. He cocks a pistol, approaches the deer, starts to pull the trigger... (50 exp)
- "NO!" shouts Svolich. He gambits, crits, and his crossbow bolt shudders into a tree trunk... Rake's pistol spinning around the trigger guard. (50 exp)
- Svolich approaches a stunned Rake and puts a bar of soap in his mouth. "Clean up your act". The tension is palpable. Rake slams his axe into a tree to intimidate him.. and splinters the handle a little. (50 exp)
- Andromeda cuts the dead deer open, seizes their hearts for spell research purposes. Neat! Also, grabs horseshoe knuckledusters. Double neat. (50 exp)
- The horses are butchered for rations. Turns out woodland living really brings out the hunter in you! (50 exp)
- The second deer is fed some mould. Book's tripping again! The good thing is he now knows that whenever he infests a new creature it stalls his own infestation for 24 hours. (50 exp)
- They follow the path... but it ends at a cave? Cecil blows his last spell of the day - Detect Evil. The cave and the path itself detect as chaotic! To Cecil, this manifests as the evil-detected areas growing boobs. Because of course. (50 exp)
- Captain Book and Svolich decide to investigate the cave. The others, out of spells and/or too smart for that, decide to keep going and hopefully reach the river. They leave the wagon with Svolich. (50 exp)
-- Team Cave
- The mould-infested deer are kept on strange leashes by Team Cave, but they're docile. As they approach the cave, a voice asks "WHOSE BEATING HEART IS THAAT?!" (50 exp)
- Svolich decides he'll need some chemical assistance, gets some mould-drug off Captain Book, puts it in his cigarette, takes a drag and - BAM! He's having a fucking transcendant experience!! He is, was, will be every person, being and thing that has ever and will ever exist. (50 exp)
- Captain Book and the deer are tripping balls also, since they're in the vicinity. Good times for all! The high-voiced weirdo is veeery confused. (50 exp)
- An hour later, one of three people is shaking Book's shoulder, seeing if he's alright. The man has eyes like a lizard, but he blinks and they're normal. (50 exp)
- "You guys ok? How long are you going to be here?" Druggies have shown up at his front door and he clearly doesn't want to shoo them away in case they turn violent or something (50 exp)
- Svolich and Book ask some questions. Ninhursag, trying to create the omnipoison, verdegrised drakencult, yada yada. Book sings a sea shanty. The people head back into the cave, telling Team Cave that they can stand here for as long as they want, but they can't come in. (50 exp)
- The two go down the stairs anyway. At the bottom, a smallish cave and two of the occupants sitting at tables. It's clearly a dungeon. They bug out. (50 exp)
- Luckily the wagon's still here, so they go to sleep in the wagon with their new best friends the brain-sucking knife-foot deer. (50 exp)
- They awaken to the deer trying to suck out their brains! What. A. Shock. Captain Book survives, stumbling from the wagon and fleeing into the forest! Svolich's brain is devoured via the ear canals. (50 exp)
- First death of 1660, by the way! (50 exp)
-- Team Forest
- Rake, Andromeda and Cecil cut and stomp their way through the thick forest. Some snarling and whooping is heard! It's those weird yellow-clawed monkey things! (50 exp)
- Quick as they can, the team dump all their recently-acquired horsemeat in a pile and skirt off while the monkeys are distracted. It works! (50 exp)
- Soon, they reach a river. It's swift and clean, and across the other side are scraggly trees and a whole lot of dark barrow land. Rake is pretty sure he knows where they are! (50 exp)
- The New World book is read and re-dubbed "the Book to El Dorado". Also, the Necromancer book is checked out. Various facts - there's Duvan'Ku in the Americas, the Duvan'Ku can teach you necromancy, the Fated Queen is not of Duvan'Ku herself.
- Out of the trees, bruised and battered, comes Captain Book! He's alive! Also here, mysteriously appearing, is Raaf van Held. (50 exp)
- Battered and tired, standing on the banks of a surging river, the party stands tall. They may be fucked up and down a few horses and wagons, but they're alive.
Total: 2500 exp

- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Best of Intentions 
bonus (50 exp)
- Bookworm bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Chase bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Rescue bonus (50 exp)
- Enmity Inciter bonus (50 exp)
- High as Fuck bonus (50 exp)
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)
- Leave a Man Behind bonus (50 exp)
- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)
- PETA bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Pyrrhic Victory bonus (50 exp)
- Ridiculously Bad Rolling bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- Tactical Fighting bonus (50 exp)
- Tentacle Molestation bonus (50 exp)
- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus (50 exp)
- Why Did You Eat That bonus (50 exp)
Total: 1100 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Ollie / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Caller (Andy / Captain Book - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Ollie / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Tom / Rake - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Will / Cecil - 100 exp)
- Guard (Tom / Rake - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Tom / Rake - 100 exp)
- Horrifying Realisation bonus (Captain Book - 100 exp)
- Death's Witness bonus (Captain Book - 100 exp)
- Amusing Death bonus (James G / Raaf - 500 exp)
- An Hero bonus (James G / Raaf - 200 exp)
- Hugging the demon deer is a bad idea. You can have that one for free.

Death Toll and Injuries:
- Hotshot, horse who died immediately on contact with the enemy
- Para & Lel, poor foolish horses who lived and died as one
- Bastard, a horse taken too slowly for Andromeda's liking
- Svolich, died when went to sleep snuggling a knife-legged brain-eating demon deer

Exp Totals:
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 4 Cleric (Termaxian): 9984 (Level up at 14000)- Andy / Captain Book, Level 4 Specialist (Pirate): 9791 (Level up at 12000)
- Ollie / Andromeda Spiderbite, Level 3 Muscle Wizard: 5020 (Level up at 9000)*DING!* +1d4 HP! +1 level 2 spell/day! +free spell! +backstory!- Tom / Rake Hacker, Level 3 Fighter: 4838 (Level up at 8000)
*DING!* +1d8 HP! +1 to attack! +backstory!
- James / Svolich, Level 2 Specialist (Fool)
*DECEASED*- James, Raaf van Held, Level 1 Fighter: 1564 (Level up at 2000)

Absent or Retired:
- Fraser / Nix Neckbiter, Level 4 Barbarian: 9770 (Level up at 16000)- Henry / Blue John Goujon, Level 3 Magic-User: 8746 (Level up at 9000)
- Kitty / 
POWERLAD!, Level 3 Muscle Wizard: 8175 (Level up at 9000)
- Tom / 
Insanity Mammoth, Level 3 Barbarian: 5192 (Level up at 8000)
- Charles / ZARAT, Level 3 Ratman: 4739 (Level up at 6000)

- James / Sergei, Level 1 Specialist (Poisoner): 632 (Level up at 1500)

- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)