Friday, 21 April 2017

Session 133 - Mascot Massacre

A sad day for all, as almost every horse the party owns is killed by brain-eating deer and Svolich is eaten by same as he attempts to befriend them.

While Moondin is still so very far away, and the paths through the woods seem untrustworthy, the party has found their way to a river which Rake believes he can use to work out just where they've managed to end up.
That's sort of a win!



- I attempt to draw Rake's KILLSMASH CUTTING RAZOR CUT finishing move

- Tom depicts Cecil's... unique... means of Detecting Evil.


Session 133 - Mascot Massacre
Campaign Date:
Monday, 16 April, 1660
Moon Phase: Waxing Crescent
Zodiac: Pisces

Infestation:
10 Days - Captain Book
11 Days - POWERLAD!, ZARAT

New Backstory:
- Captain Book's father ran a cult to "help people". Book hated it, and escaped to the sea to begin a life of daring piracy! (+1 to selfless acts)
- Rake's grandparents were hardcore Denialists (Rake's related to the van Helds on the maternal side), Rake rebelled, and on the fields of battle he realised that there are no gods. Only DEATH! (Apostate to Denialism, but Denialist spells have half effect.)
- Andromeda was raised by gypsies after her mother abandoned her. The child of a barbarian and a wizard, she was always a girl in opposition. Anyway, one time she made good porridge and the gypsies liked it so much she had to run away. (+1 Dex)
- Cecil's greatest regret is not brewing his sex change potion right. If he could go back, he'd do it all again. (Once per session, get a take-back)
- Svolich grassed on his cooking partner, who was understandably very disappointed. (Force an attack, saving throw and/or skill check to succeed, once each per session. You get -2 to that roll for the rest of the session)

Enemies Defeated:- 4 jaggy-legged brainsucker deer, killed or briefly tamed (200 exp)
- A group of tree-ghouls distracted with horse haunch (300 exp)
Total: 500 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- Half-full ink bottle
- Negative one brain
Total: 0 exp

Exploration:
- 18 miles of travel (60 exp)
- 2 random encounters (40 exp)
- First party to enter the Poison Laboratory, however briefly (100 exp)
- Explored one dungeon room sorta kinda (20 exp)
Total: 220 exp

Events:
- Taking stock after last week's thrilling escape, the party deface the wagons to hide the Necromancer symbols on the sides. The Necromancer's horse is renamed Bastard. Andromeda names hers Hotshot. (50 exp)
- Captain Book returns!.. with a latent mould infestation. He's handling it, even though he can't feel empathy naturally any more. (50 exp)
- A night is spent sleeping in wagons at the remains of an old campsite by the side of the road. Half a bottle of ink is found. This will turn out to be the only treasure found this session. (50 exp)
- Morning arrives. Book's mould infestation has begun to creep out over his skin. Andromeda's been reading the Necromancer book during the night. (50 exp)
- Allegedly there are currently 9234 Necromancers in Loegria. Andromeda marks one down. Also, Cyrus Carnithrex Maximus the vampire king is still around! (50 exp)
- The book on the New World is also perused - apparently the city of El Dorado is (roll roll) REEAALL! (50 exp)
- They head off in the presumed direction of Moondin. Coming to a branch in the road marked by a large cairn. Andromeda climbs a tree to get a bearing. In the distance she sees the big chained tentacle... (50 exp)
- But she also sees a weird sword-legged tentacle-mouthed deer thing limping down the northwest road. (50 exp)
- Cecil sees it too. His horse is spooked. The deer continues limping forwards, sword-legs spiking into the mud. The party, slow at first then faster, ride the other way. (50 exp)
- But it's an ambush! Three more leap from the woods, and the limping one stops pretending to limp! "Clever girl...", says Andromeda. (50 exp)
- High speed chase/combat scene begins! Wagon and horses surge forwards as the sword-deer scythe into the fray! (50 exp)
- Horse health is suddenly necessary. Hotshot has... two hp. The horse dies instantly as the leaping deer demon's legs stab into its flank! (50 exp)
- Para and Lel have an HP pool due to their bond. Both must live, or neither. Para is attacked, a deer slashing along his ribs. (50 exp)
- Rake jumps from the wagon onto Para, hits the deer off the prized horse. Captain Book slings a knife and hits another. Cecil acts as outrider, detouring through the forest before galloping up alongside. (50 exp)
- Three deer all head for Book's wagon. Luckily two of them jump into the wagon itself and just kinda ruin it, while another fluffs the jump at Book and just sort of hangs off the roof. (50 exp)
- Rake tries an epic leap from the roof of one wagon to the other! Andromeda casts Enlarge as she gives him a boost!... but double gambit fail, misses the jump and hits the ground hard. Cecil rides round to pick the larger Rake up off the ground. Also it turns out that Rake is like a reverse Hulk, when hulking out his trousers are torn off but his shirt stretches. (50 exp)
- Lel is attacked by one of the wagon deer. It gets both legs in and begins slurping down horse-brain. Lel and Para die simultaneously. I really was hoping they'd be the new party mascots, a tear is shed. (50 exp)
- Captain Book is slashed and pinned by deer-claws. His last ditch attempt - feed it some mould! It... works?! (50 exp)
- The deer is tripping oooout. Andy's high has him super worried about everyone. He runs to the back of the unruined wagon and hides under a blanket. (50 exp)
- Andromeda's on one hp. She's got one spell left. Casting it will knock her out. SLEEP SLAP! on one of the other deer.... it totally works! They pass out together. (50 exp)
- Cecil and Rake, whose so large his feet are almost touching the ground despite being on horseback, ride in to protect Andromeda from the other deer! Cecil gives Rake the Godhead in addition to his Enlarge! Dude's juiced! (50 exp)
- The horse Bastard gets raked by deer-legs and Rake's sword slash does fuck all, despite the power of Chaos and Law juicing him up. HyperJesus works in mysterious ways. (50 exp)
- Just then, Svorich cruises in on his horse Molly! He winds down the horse's mane, aims his crossbow through the gap, and hits Rake in a random ride-by shooting. Shot! (50 exp)
- Cecil's healing magic goes off, restoring Andromeda to life! Hooray! But not so much hooray when the deer gets under Bastard and slices the poor horse's belly open, spilling its steaming guts onto the floor. (50 exp)
- Enough's enough! As the horse falls, Rake is EMPOWERED! He unleashes the mighty KILLSMASH CUTTING RAZOR CUT courtesy of an online anime move generator. The deer is diced! (50 exp)
- With one deer asleep, another tripping balls, and the other two dead, the cinematic ruckus is over. Phew! But alas, four horses have died. Like holy shit. Svolich's Molly is the only equine survivor, mostly because she turned up late (50 exp)
- Rake goes to finish off the sleeping deer-creature. He cocks a pistol, approaches the deer, starts to pull the trigger... (50 exp)
- "NO!" shouts Svolich. He gambits, crits, and his crossbow bolt shudders into a tree trunk... Rake's pistol spinning around the trigger guard. (50 exp)
- Svolich approaches a stunned Rake and puts a bar of soap in his mouth. "Clean up your act". The tension is palpable. Rake slams his axe into a tree to intimidate him.. and splinters the handle a little. (50 exp)
- Andromeda cuts the dead deer open, seizes their hearts for spell research purposes. Neat! Also, grabs horseshoe knuckledusters. Double neat. (50 exp)
- The horses are butchered for rations. Turns out woodland living really brings out the hunter in you! (50 exp)
- The second deer is fed some mould. Book's tripping again! The good thing is he now knows that whenever he infests a new creature it stalls his own infestation for 24 hours. (50 exp)
- They follow the path... but it ends at a cave? Cecil blows his last spell of the day - Detect Evil. The cave and the path itself detect as chaotic! To Cecil, this manifests as the evil-detected areas growing boobs. Because of course. (50 exp)
- Captain Book and Svolich decide to investigate the cave. The others, out of spells and/or too smart for that, decide to keep going and hopefully reach the river. They leave the wagon with Svolich. (50 exp)
-- Team Cave
- The mould-infested deer are kept on strange leashes by Team Cave, but they're docile. As they approach the cave, a voice asks "WHOSE BEATING HEART IS THAAT?!" (50 exp)
- Svolich decides he'll need some chemical assistance, gets some mould-drug off Captain Book, puts it in his cigarette, takes a drag and - BAM! He's having a fucking transcendant experience!! He is, was, will be every person, being and thing that has ever and will ever exist. (50 exp)
- Captain Book and the deer are tripping balls also, since they're in the vicinity. Good times for all! The high-voiced weirdo is veeery confused. (50 exp)
- An hour later, one of three people is shaking Book's shoulder, seeing if he's alright. The man has eyes like a lizard, but he blinks and they're normal. (50 exp)
- "You guys ok? How long are you going to be here?" Druggies have shown up at his front door and he clearly doesn't want to shoo them away in case they turn violent or something (50 exp)
- Svolich and Book ask some questions. Ninhursag, trying to create the omnipoison, verdegrised drakencult, yada yada. Book sings a sea shanty. The people head back into the cave, telling Team Cave that they can stand here for as long as they want, but they can't come in. (50 exp)
- The two go down the stairs anyway. At the bottom, a smallish cave and two of the occupants sitting at tables. It's clearly a dungeon. They bug out. (50 exp)
- Luckily the wagon's still here, so they go to sleep in the wagon with their new best friends the brain-sucking knife-foot deer. (50 exp)
- They awaken to the deer trying to suck out their brains! What. A. Shock. Captain Book survives, stumbling from the wagon and fleeing into the forest! Svolich's brain is devoured via the ear canals. (50 exp)
- First death of 1660, by the way! (50 exp)
-- Team Forest
- Rake, Andromeda and Cecil cut and stomp their way through the thick forest. Some snarling and whooping is heard! It's those weird yellow-clawed monkey things! (50 exp)
- Quick as they can, the team dump all their recently-acquired horsemeat in a pile and skirt off while the monkeys are distracted. It works! (50 exp)
- Soon, they reach a river. It's swift and clean, and across the other side are scraggly trees and a whole lot of dark barrow land. Rake is pretty sure he knows where they are! (50 exp)
- The New World book is read and re-dubbed "the Book to El Dorado". Also, the Necromancer book is checked out. Various facts - there's Duvan'Ku in the Americas, the Duvan'Ku can teach you necromancy, the Fated Queen is not of Duvan'Ku herself.
- Out of the trees, bruised and battered, comes Captain Book! He's alive! Also here, mysteriously appearing, is Raaf van Held. (50 exp)
- Battered and tired, standing on the banks of a surging river, the party stands tall. They may be fucked up and down a few horses and wagons, but they're alive.
Total: 2500 exp

Misc:
- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)
- Best of Intentions 
bonus (50 exp)
- Bookworm bonus (50 exp)
- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)
- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Chase bonus (50 exp)
- Dramatic Rescue bonus (50 exp)
- Enmity Inciter bonus (50 exp)
- High as Fuck bonus (50 exp)
- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)
- Leave a Man Behind bonus (50 exp)
- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)
- PETA bonus (50 exp)
- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)
- Pyrrhic Victory bonus (50 exp)
- Ridiculously Bad Rolling bonus (50 exp)
- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)
- Tactical Fighting bonus (50 exp)
- Tentacle Molestation bonus (50 exp)
- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus (50 exp)
- Why Did You Eat That bonus (50 exp)
Total: 1100 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Ollie / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Caller (Andy / Captain Book - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Ollie / Andromeda - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Tom / Rake - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Will / Cecil - 100 exp)
- Guard (Tom / Rake - 100 exp)
- Art Attack bonus (Tom / Rake - 100 exp)
- Horrifying Realisation bonus (Captain Book - 100 exp)
- Death's Witness bonus (Captain Book - 100 exp)
- Amusing Death bonus (James G / Raaf - 500 exp)
- An Hero bonus (James G / Raaf - 200 exp)
Rumours:
- Hugging the demon deer is a bad idea. You can have that one for free.

Death Toll and Injuries:
- Hotshot, horse who died immediately on contact with the enemy
- Para & Lel, poor foolish horses who lived and died as one
- Bastard, a horse taken too slowly for Andromeda's liking
- Svolich, died when went to sleep snuggling a knife-legged brain-eating demon deer

Exp Totals:
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 4 Cleric (Termaxian): 9984 (Level up at 14000)- Andy / Captain Book, Level 4 Specialist (Pirate): 9791 (Level up at 12000)
- Ollie / Andromeda Spiderbite, Level 3 Muscle Wizard: 5020 (Level up at 9000)*DING!* +1d4 HP! +1 level 2 spell/day! +free spell! +backstory!- Tom / Rake Hacker, Level 3 Fighter: 4838 (Level up at 8000)
*DING!* +1d8 HP! +1 to attack! +backstory!
- James / Svolich, Level 2 Specialist (Fool)
*DECEASED*- James, Raaf van Held, Level 1 Fighter: 1564 (Level up at 2000)

Absent or Retired:
- Fraser / Nix Neckbiter, Level 4 Barbarian: 9770 (Level up at 16000)- Henry / Blue John Goujon, Level 3 Magic-User: 8746 (Level up at 9000)
- Kitty / 
POWERLAD!, Level 3 Muscle Wizard: 8175 (Level up at 9000)
- Tom / 
Insanity Mammoth, Level 3 Barbarian: 5192 (Level up at 8000)
- Charles / ZARAT, Level 3 Ratman: 4739 (Level up at 6000)

- James / Sergei, Level 1 Specialist (Poisoner): 632 (Level up at 1500)

- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)

Monday, 17 April 2017

Session 132 - The Diarrhoea Deception

Lots happens to our lucky group of drunkards! The rat cellar quest is completed, and newly minted character Rake is often naked and suffers a short and uncomfortable imprisonment.

-----------

Important Note:
Since the table situation at the Hatter is pretty out of control at the moment, we've moved! New venue is the Mug House at London Bridge, pretty sweet D&D venue!
All thanks to Tom who found it and has booked it out for months to come!


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Inline images 1
- Tom allows us to gaze upon the visage of Rake Hacker
Inline images 2
Rake flees, nude, atop Para and Lel.
Inline images 3
- Andromeda takes aim at the burning rat-beast
Inline images 4
Ollie renders: The mould-covered rat beast itself!!


A note on runes since they're back sooner than I anticipated -
You've got a pretty good grasp of runes and they're common knowledge in this day and age, so I figure I'd better make some of the mechanics better known and smooth out some of the inconsistencies which resulted from me just making shit up and forgetting precedent.
Rune Mechanics:
- Penalise AC and encumbrance based on complexity (ie. how many Minor Runes make up the finished glyph) and distance (ie. how far away from it you are).
- Powering a rune takes a whole round, like a spell. Declare you're charging it at the start of the round, it goes off at the end. Keep it running for as long as you want, you can turn it off instantly (so if someone's about to attack you, you can turn it off to get your AC back).
- It takes concentration - you can't cast a spell or another rune while you've got one powered. Taking damage breaks the connection.
- Multiple people can work together to power a single glyph. Penalties are shared between all.
- Beam runes fire a beam of Effect or a high-speed ball of Material. Material is anything affected by gravity, so it's magma balls not magma beams now.
- Another change for consistency's sake - the Repel rune simply repels the element specified. No more differentiation between material and effect elements. Shit got weird with that Decay rune versus the mummy. Flamethrower still possible - Use a Repel Fire glyph to blast the fire from a Make Fire glyph outwards!

I'm pretty sure that Fraser understands this stuff, but maybe others don't.
Types of Major Rune:
Make: Creates an orb of the element floating in front of rune.
Take: Absorbs the element into the rune, releases it all at once when shut off.
Repel: Throws the element away from the rune in a cone.
Beam: Blasts a beam of Effect (sustains) or high-speed blob of Material (doesn't) from the rune. Spend a round to Aim first to avoid maybe shooting your friends.
Change: Temporarily transforms the surface it's drawn on into the element. Returns to normal when shut off. Rune itself remains original material, if that matters.




Session 132 - The Diarrhoea Deception
Campaign Date:
Friday, 14 April, 1660
Moon Phase: Third Quarter
Zodiac: Pisces

Infestation:
9 Days - POWERLAD!, ZARAT, Captain Book

New Characters:
-
 Rake Hacker - woodcutter, highwayman, and Fighter.
- Raaf van Held, a farmer turned warrior

New Backstory:
- Blue John lost half a sixpence in a raging flood. The other half was held by another soldier, proof of their bond. It was lost forever. (Any time something you own is lost or broken, automatically pass your next saving throw)

Enemies Defeated:- 6 mould people, the last of their kind (60 exp)
- A huge mouldy rat monster, shot through the head (250 exp)
- A Necromancer, strung up from branches (100 exp)
- Several zombies, shish-kebabed (30 exp)
Total: 180 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- 21 sp (21 exp)
- Key #62
- Flask of liquor
- Vial of colourful dust creates spell-disrupting smoke
- Jerky of Lockpicking
- Crystal skull (3000 exp)
- Box of matches
- Axe
- Longsword
- Blunt silvered athame (100 exp)
- Brass bell (50 exp)
- Iron Ration x9
- Book #195: Necromancers. Special: Folio of Undead Creatures - 10 minutes of viewing allows you to identify common Dead and a 50% chance of identifying rarer "species". (100 exp)
- Para and Lel, horses loyal mostly to each other
- 2 wagons
- Book #193: Exploration of the New World (100 exp)
Total: 3371 exp

Exploration:
- 12 miles of travel (40 exp)
- 1 random encountered (20 exp)
Total: 60 exp

Events:
- We reconvene after the battle with the mould people. Insanity Mammoth's down for a while, so heads off to rest up for a few weeks. (50 exp)
- He walks past convenient new party member, Rake Hacker, and gives him the axe he has embedded in his shoulder. Rake joins the party! (50 exp)
- Mould absorption masks are created from rags and a Take-Earth-Light glyph, and several purchases are made. Chief among them - guns! Guns for all! The all-new flintlock mechanisms are high tech by our time-displaced heroes' standards. (50 exp)
- Cecil's got the straw cloak while Rake has a big straw rat mask. Nix has carved a Make-Light glyph on a ring to see by. They descend into the gloom. (50 exp)
- Rake, informed of the existence of a longsword in the chain-tracks by Insanity Mammoth, crawls into the dark to retrieve it. Unfortunately, mould people! Torches alight and anger over the murder of their friends and family in their hearts, they strike! (50 exp)
- Rake rapidly runs out of HP. They accidentally cut off Rake's clothes. Oops. In revenge, he unleashes his pistols and reveals he's purchased some Scattershot ammo! The shrapnel blast takes out two of the mould people, and he dives to escape as the corridor is engulfed by gunsmoke. (50 exp)
- Just in time, as it turns out. The rest of the party, hearing the ruckus, form a firing line and blasts hot lead into the darkness! The remaining mouldmen didn't stand much of a chance, falling under the sustained fire. (50 exp)
- One survives, barely. Weeping for his fallen comrades, he runs. Rake pursues and tackles him to the cold stone floor! He's possibly the last of the mould people slaughtered last session. (50 exp)
- He says as much, adding that the mould people were all banished down here when their symptoms started showing, and offers a scrap of mouldy skin to Rake as "dinner". Rake refuses, but Raaf takes it for possible future use. (50 exp)
- Hearing a rattling, the mould man startles. He says there's a huge rat, chained to the tracks. Insanity Mammoth was right! (50 exp)
- Rake knocks the mould man out, carries him back to the group, and is a bit put out when Blue John immediately spears his captive in the throat. (50 exp)
- Andromeda searches the bodies while Rake goes back upstairs to smash some rations. She finds a hip flask of liquor and Key #62, along with a number of ears. (50 exp)
- A plan is made! The corpses are piled up at a corner of the tracks, and lights are extinguished. The party listen with bated breath... (50 exp)
- A moment of fear as a normal rat scuttles past Rake's leg! He pulls his trousers up. (50 exp)
- And then... no chain jangling, but a soft thud. Like a thumping on stone. LIGHTS ON! The party is momentarily blinded, but as it clears they see the giant mould-covered white rat dragging a corpse off down the corridor! (50 exp)
- Pistols firing off down the corridor! They pierce its mouldy armour, but it can't scream. The group chase it down, grabbing a few coins that dropped out of the corpse's pockets on the way. (50 exp)
- Andromeda flies towards it with her SUPER SLEEP SLAP ATTAAACK. She misses, and the rat's too beefy to be Sleep'd. She lands, rolling on the other side... (50 exp)
- This thing's just got the sickest chain moves. The anime-style sleep slap seems to have given it super sweet chain-block skills. Nix and Rake are stymied by its flailing chains. (50 exp)
- Raaf gambits, throwing a pint of oil onto it. It's covered in oil! Cecil follows up for the combo fire attack, his torch hitting perfectly and bursting the beast into flame! (50 exp)
- The rat screams! Opening its mouth wide, a red raw hole in the mould is opened in its face! It screams silently! (50 exp)
- It turns, eyes and body aflame! It grabs and bites at Andromeda, who throws herself away from it on her back. Her twin pistols rise up and fire simultaneously! (50 exp)
- She headshots off the crit, shots blasting through its brain and out the other side. Fucking balla. Its silent scream turns loud at the last second as it detonates into a cloud of mould from the inside. (50 exp)
- Luckily everyone's got those Take-Earth-Light masks on. The spores are sucked into the glyphs, shrouding the party members with bubbles of normal air. (50 exp)
- The rat is dead. They claim the fat tail as proof, and head upstairs. Rat cellar problem complete! The party arrange the mould people to look like the big rat did it, honest. (50 exp)
- To the heroes, the spoils. John Jentilman promised a free night at his bar to the conquering heroes! It's a lock in. (50 exp)
- It goes for over a week. (50 exp)
- Eight days later, experience has been gained BUT... they've basically ruined the pub. Blue John pissed off the bartender by smashing bottles of his finest scotch after taking a single sip, making sure he saw. Nix loses ALL her stuff, except for a gold ring and clothes. Nobody knows where. Rake has been arrested?! (50 exp)
- Arrested indeed! And seriously! Taking the fall for the crime of ruining John Jentilman's pub, he's in a rolling cage in a Necromancer's contingent, travelling towards Moondin to be stretched on the rack for his crimes. Apparently Necromancers are law enforcement now?! (50 exp)
- The others in the group pursue on their previously bought horses! Onwards! (50 exp)
- Rattling down the road without his stuff, Rake chats with Gix Nyxthillis the Necromancer. Rake is unswervingly polite, and feigns diarrhoea as an excuse to get him to look away and makes lots of horrific noises. While the Necromancer looks away, Rake talks to the other prisoners. (50 exp)
- The other captives are ok, if a bit weird. One slings across some jerky, the other eventually agrees to be a distraction. She's a really lame distraction. (50 exp)
- Seeing as she's a crap diversion, Rake decides to actually let loose! After eight days of drinking, it's the after-grog-bog from hell. My game goes even further down the toilet. Ha ha. (50 exp)
- Using his bum-fountain as a second, way more horrific distraction, Rake somehow manages to pick the lock of his cell with the piece of jerky. My best explanation is dream-logic. He keeps the door closed and waits. (50 exp)
- He finally stops shitting. The rest of the party, gaining on the Necromancer's unit, ride past a horrific snail-trail of liquid poo. They're close! (50 exp)
- Nix and Andromeda on one horse gallop past the Necromancer's group! They scream that they're being chased by vagabonds who seek only to ravish them! (50 exp)
- Blue John and Cecil charge in on a second horse, riding into the zombie ranks which are already forming up! Skeleton archers fire, unfortunately hitting their horse Wild Rose and causing it to rear up. (50 exp)
- The Necromancer breathes in a vial of Last Breath and is about to command his Dead forces, but Andromeda rides alongside and puts him to sleep with a light Sleep Slap. (50 exp)
- Rake springs from his cage! He runs to the wagons, seeking his gear. (50 exp)
- Andromeda fires a pistol at the sleeping Necromancer, spooking his horse! It runs off into the forest. The wagon horses near Rake are completely chill. (50 exp)
- The zombies surrounding John and Cecil drag Wild Rose to the ground, where they begin to feast. The two riders somehow land ok, past the zombies. (50 exp)
- Cecil gets significantly scratched at by zombies! Rake stands on the backs of both wagon horses, and the dopey bastards begin trotting off. They don't give a shit. Rake seems to be leaving the scene entirely! (50 exp)
- Cecil is pretty fucked up and at least a little dazed, fortunately Rake turns the wagons and skids them to a halt within fleeing range. (50 exp)
- Andromeda follows the Necromancer's horse and bashes his head in. Ez kill. (50 exp)
- John gets into Rake's wagon easily, Cecil stumbles and trips. Shit. Archers fire at Cecil, the arrows arcing into the mud around him. He struggles on, and manages to get onboard pursued by zombies and arrows. They're away! The wagons are searched to find a bunch of cool shit. (50 exp)
- Andromeda searches the Necromancer, finding a bunch of cool shit including a crystal skull! Mercifully, not an alien skull and there isn't a Shia LeBoeuf in sight. (50 exp)
- The Necromancer's corpse is strung up due to Andromeda's ancestral hatred of the Dead. Her mum's friends died that way, donchaknow. (50 exp)
- The party's away! New party mascots, the unflappable horses Para and Lel, have been acquired. They're dopey and won't go out of each other's line of sight, but actually quite sweet and follow commands easily? (50 exp)
- The day is saved! And everyone's in the middle of the forest with some horses and wagons and official Necromancer merchandise. Nice. (50 exp)
Total: 2500 exp

Misc:- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (50 exp)- Antagonist Antagoniser bonus (50 exp)- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)- Best of Intentions bonus (50 exp)- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)- Dramatic Chase bonus (50 exp)- Dramatic Escape bonus (50 exp)- Dramatic Rescue bonus (50 exp)- First Against the Wall bonus (50 exp)- Infamy bonus (50 exp)- Leave a Man Behind bonus (50 exp)- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)- Noblebright bonus (50 exp)- PETA bonus (50 exp)- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)- RSPCA bonus (50 exp)- Split the Party bonus (50 exp)- Spoopy bonus (50 exp)- Tactical Fighting bonus (50 exp)- Trapsetter bonus (50 exp)- What Could Possibly Go Wrong bonus (50 exp)- WWE bonus (50 exp)- Overkilled a scary enemy (100 exp)Total: 1300 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Will - 100 exp)
- Caller (James - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Fraser - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Tom
 - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Ollie - 100 exp)
- Guard (Henry - 100 exp)
- Snackbringer (Fraser - 100 exp ea.)
- Art Attack bonus (Tom, Ollie - 100 exp ea.)
- Attacco d'Arte bonus (Tom, Ollie - 100 exp ea.)
- Artapalooza bonus (Tom - 100 exp)
- Venuefinder bonus (Tom - 1000 exp)
- Lulu Exp Inheritance (Andromeda - 1482 exp)
- Carousing! (Exp bonus varies)
Near Death Experience bonus (Rake, Cecil - 100 exp ea)
Rumours:
- The Drakenkult of Moondin has a powerful affinity for runes! They're more powerful than our mightiest rune mages!
- Dogs are the only creatures immune to the mold.
- So this witch called Baba Yaga used to keep the World Eater sealed, but she died. I don't know what the Dead did to seal it but it can't be a permanent fix.
- The wall's magic has fallen. Literally the only reason the demons aren't here is that they can't be bothered to climb a wall.
- Edge is fallen. Dwimmermount is fallen. The whole damn mountain area is fallen. But those in Dwarrow are still safe. Those superstitious fools in the Twinned Cities were right!
- Wearing iron will protect you from the Elves, their dark arts cannot penetrate the warding of such pure metal.

Death Toll and Injuries:
- Against the odds, none!

Exp Totals:
- Fraser / Nix Neckbiter, Level 4 Barbarian: 9770 (Level up at 16000)
*DING!* +1d8 HP! +2 rolls on Barbarian Levelup Table!
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 4 Cleric (Termaxian): 9020 (Level up at 14000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! +1 Level 2 Spell/day!

- Henry / Blue John Goujon, Level 3 Magic-User: 8746 (Level up at 9000)
- Ollie / Andromeda Spiderbite, Level 2 Muscle Wizard: 3956 (Level up at 4500)
*DING!* +1d4 HP! +1 Level 1 Spell/day! +free spell!
- Tom / Rake Hacker, Level 2 Fighter: 3674 (Level up at 4000)
*DING!* +1d8 HP! +1 to hit!
- James / Raaf Van Held, Level 2 Fighter: 2164 (Level up at 4000)
*DING!* +1d8 HP! +1 to hit!

Absent or Retired:
- Kitty / POWERLAD!, Level 3 Muscle Wizard: 8175 (Level up at 9000)
- Tom / 
Insanity Mammoth, Level 3 Barbarian: 5192 (Level up at 8000)
- Charles / ZARAT, Level 3 Ratman: 4739 (Level up at 6000)

- James / Sergei, Level 1 Specialist (Poisoner): 632 (Level up at 1500)

- Andy / 
Captain Book, Level 4 Specialist (Pirate): 8627 (Level up at 12000)
- James / 
William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)

Friday, 7 April 2017

Session 131 - Death and Axes

A dim light of civilisation amongst the darkness of the trees! Lovely. And apparently there's a real rats in the cellar problem, albeit all the party's found down there so far is a few mould people.
Plus it seems a few people have actually caught the disease and Insanity Mammoth's broken his collarbone... oh dear.

Also Comes the Godhead was cast for once! Wonderful stuff.

Charles has more remembrancer-doodles this week, and Tom delivers some epic Barbarian art.

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Charles doodles some key scenes

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- Tom draws the Godhead-Mammoth facing the mould horde!

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- And Tom also paints up his sick new Insanity Mammoth mini



Session 131 - Death and Axes
Campaign Date:
Friday, 5 April, 1660
Moon Phase: Third Quarter
Zodiac: Pisces


New Backstory:
- Nix Neckbiter's family took on an evil Rasputin-type wizard who sought the family's ruin from within. Nix tried to stop him, but nobody believed her. Her family would go on to die one by one, leading to Nix's adoption by the Barbarian tribe. (+1 to actions taken to salvage a situation that's just gone horribly wrong)
- ZARAT's broodmother was dying of a terrible illness! When standard rat-meds didn't work, ZARAT turned to what he thought were dark wizards but were actually dodgy snake-oil salesmen. (+1 Arcana)
- Captain Book and his crew were cold, bedraggled, and running low on supplies during a long voyage. To prevent mutiny, he was forced to share his private food supply. (When eating to heal, can grant your healing to someone else instead).
- Insanity Mammoth was in a religiously motivated blood-feud with his brother, also called Insanity Mammoth. They fought for thirty days over whether Termaxianism or Zeanism was the true way, ending with the Termaxian Insanity Mammoth being forced to leave his tribe. (One time only - it turns out someone in the scene is your estranged brother! "Wait, JOHN!?" kind of thing. Up to you whether you've forgiven each other by now.)
- Cecil Fulbright's breasts are as the result of a tragic backstory - Cecil is trans and tried to brew a sex change potion, but his luck ran out and it unfortunately only partially worked. Every time someone talks about his tits it's another twist of the knife. (After you fail a roll, +1 to your next roll)

Enemies Defeated:- 8 mould junkies (80 exp)
- 2 extra-mouldy mould men (100 exp)
Total: 180 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- A stuffed toy penguin- A part-used pack of green waterproof matches
- A stone disk inscribed with a Make-Light glyph
Total: 0 exp

Exploration:
- 12 miles of travel (40 exp)
- 1 random encountered (20 exp)
- First party to visit the village of Spike (100 exp)
- First party to enter the Ratcellar (100 exp)
- Explored 5 dungeon areas (100 exp)
Total: 360 exp

Events:
- Looking back at the evil oak, the party see the corpses of the kid, the mother, and the Halfling guide tangled in its branches. POWERLAD! will harbour fond memories of the tree forevermore, but will be triggered if anyone badmouths it around him. (50 exp)
- This is a bit of an issue, since the Halfling was the one that knew the way the party was heading. ZARAT climbs a tree to get a lay of the land, but it turns out they're in a shallow valley so he can't see far. Insanity Mammoth, luckily, is pretty good at Bushcraft. (50 exp)
- Unfortunately, he misreads the signs and takes the party in a whole wrong direction! At least he's a good hunter, the party's got enough food for a while. (50 exp)
- The party continue... until they hear an angry man shout "HALT! Get down on the ground!". ZARAT tries to climb a tree and is stopped with a shout! Captain Book tries to crawl into the brush but stops when a warning arrow whangs into the tree nearby! (50 exp)
- It takes a good deal of explaining before the mystery man believes the party's not dangerous, he emerges in a long black Necromancer robe with a mysterious glyph on his facemask. (50 exp)
- After patting Insanity Mammoth down (momentarily confused by the "cudgel" in Mammoth's loincloth) he invites the party to join him for dinner. (50 exp)
- A skeleton, unfortunately non-Guido, emerges at his call. It's carrying all his stuff, including a tent! The party set up the camp, Nix claiming the only tent. (50 exp)
- The Necromancer, Gyx Nyxthillis, believes the party's 50 year man-out-of-time story and shows them such wonders as how to power runes. Runes are back! (50 exp)
- He also gives a brief rundown of the changes over the last fifty years. The Fated King is a Fated Queen now, the Dead are integrated with human society, widespread knowledge of runes led to a "Runeaissance", there's a dragon cult in the woods, and the mountains are basically just demon central these days. There's a fairytale about hubris entitles "The Barbarians Who Climbed Mt Death Frost" (50 exp)
- Personally, he's here to find and hunt down Mould people in the woods. He tries to avoid the Drakencult if at all possible, all he knows is that they congregate in the heart of the woods. (50 exp)
- Morning comes round and the party decamp. Thanking the first nice guy they've met so far profusely, he gives them a signed note corroborating their story and directions to Moondin. Just follow the wall north to the Gate and head east from there! (50 exp)
- ZARAT gives him a princely 5 gold as a thankyou. An overwhelmed Gyx gives the party a bunch of stuff in return - a stuffed toy penguin, a pack of green waterproof matches, and his Make-Light disk. The party move on! (50 exp)
- They head to the Wall, a big ol' wall in the fantasy tradition. Getting close makes people's teeth itch, and POWERLAD! has a bit of tingling in the ol' magic muscles. Nothing to worry about though! (50 exp)
- Coming up to a big protuberance from the wall, covered in a large flat spike, the party find a small village! Hurrah! The relief is palpable. The words "Admin Adventures!" spill from grateful lips. The only weird thing - the itchy-teeth feeling is strong near the spike. POWERLAD!'s magic feels off, and even Cecil feels like HyperJesus is somehow further away from him. (50 exp)
- Regardless, fun time to be had! The first building entered is, of course, the pub. The overpoweringly Australian-accented man behind the bar turns his nose up at the filth-encrusted party and their giant talking rat. (50 exp)
- Cecil finds out where the nearest river is and heads off to wash his clothes. ZARAT and Captain Book stay and chat to the bartender for a while. Insanity Mammoth leads the rest of the party to the town blacksmith, where he negotiates the use of the forge. Weapon crafting time! (50 exp)
- John Jentilman the bartender tells ZARAT a very important piece of information - he's got an ACTUAL rats-in-the-basement quest! The sort of quest the party's been dreaming of! Thrilled, he goes off to tell the others. (50 exp)
- Insanity Mammoth and Sergei hit up the friendly neighbourhood horse seller. The horse seller is straight up Bojack Horseman except he's just wearing a horse head. He gives Insanity a price cut in exchange for hooking him up with a Notcoke dealer. Sergei obliges. (50 exp)
- Sergei basically trades cocaine for two horses. Bojack love dat shit. All three horses on offer have now been sold. (50 exp)
- Several hours later, the party's spending spree has ended for now with a bunch of extra kit. They're SO ready for the generic rats in the cellar quest! (50 exp)
- John Jentilman ushers them into his basement, a circular room with a bunch of kegs and wine bottles and a well in the centre. He tells them he's locking the door, but if they want out they just need to pull 15 times on the bellpull. (50 exp)
- Insanity Mammoth goes first, stolen wine bottle in hand! At the bottom there are a couple of straw models of giant rats, a straw rat hat, and a straw cloak. Cecil nicks the cloak and hat. (50 exp)
- Three exits from this room, one behind a curtain. Stairs go upwards, so the party heads that way. (50 exp)
- There's some sort of track or drainage ditch running along the middle of the corridors up here. Theories abound, so Insanity Mammoth rams his longsword into a junction on the off chance it's a train or something. (50 exp)
- ZARAT engages rat mapping protocol, sending 4 rats to explore forward into the first room they find. One rat doesn't come back, but it's because the next room along is good by rat standards! (50 exp)
- The door is inspected. It's not much of a door, just bodged together barrel wood really. Voices are heard chatting within! (50 exp)
- ZARAT calls into the room, a curtain separates one side of the room from the other and a little girl pokes her head out. "IT'S A REALLY BIG RAT!!" she screams, terrified. "But kids love me!" complains a saddened ZARAT. (50 exp)
- A man's head pokes through, exclaiming similar! Insanity Mammoth strides forth, pulls back the curtains, and sees a room full of mould people! Worse, there are two extra mouldy people whose faces are completely covered over! (50 exp)
- Captain Book tries to find a second door into the room for backstab purposes, kicking open a likely looking door only to discover that it's a whole room of its own, full of dead mice. He shuts it in a hurry. (50 exp)
- Mammoth lays into the people around him with his new greataxe while Cecil comes up behind him and casts the mighty Comes the Godhead! Insanity Mammoth is infused with the spirit of HyperJesus! (50 exp)
- A halo spins into place over his head, his eyes glow with white fire, he's outlined in a glowing aura. Shit's legit. (50 exp)
- ZARAT and POWERLAD! prepare some crossbow bolts by dipping them in oil, preparing to burn the extra-mouldy guys. (50 exp)
- Maybe half the party is wearing Take-Light-Earth facemasks like the Necromancer was earlier. This will come in handy soon. (50 exp)
- The mouldmen charge in, combat gets chaotic. POWERLAD! and ZARAT fire their flaming crossbow bolts into the room, but the fire gets snuffed out in contact with the extra-mouldy people. Bummer. (50 exp)
- One of the extra-mould guys lets loose a burst of mould spores from within. POWERLAD! breathes it in and is suddenly whacked out on a maaassive trip where he zooms out and out and out from our world and out into the universe, sees HyperJesus fighting Queen Satan. Down for the count for now! (50 exp)
- The other extra-mould guy bursts spores out in the doorway. Captain Book and ZARAT are affected! Captain Book sees all possible timelines, all that lead to this place and all that lead into the future. He's tripping balls. (50 exp)
- ZARAT channels Charles and gets social paranoia, becoming really worried about whether other people are having a good time, whether he's doing this right, whether he fits in or is making things bad for anyone. He's down too. (50 exp)
- Luckily everyone else has a facemask! Insanity Mammoth is rocked by some solid hits from the mouldmen, he starts to go down but engages the RAGE and begins smashing faces! Nix also rages and is an absolute monster, hewing down people left and right. (50 exp)
- A mouldman gets a fucking brutal crit on Insanity Mammoth, cleaving straight down into his collarbone! Mammoth staggers backwards, axe still lodged in the wound, and laughs as his Cross Counter activates and the mouldman is torn to shreds by the spirit of HyperJesus! (50 exp)
- It's Axe O'Clock in Nixland, she draws and quarters someone on the spot with a massive double-double damage dual-wielded axe strike! (50 exp)
- Cecil bonks a mouldman on the head with a big stick. (50 exp)
- All this is too much for the mould people, who break down and beg for mercy! (50 exp)
- No prisoners! No mercy! The rest are slaughtered by the raging Barbarians as others break for the exit bell. Thankfully, the bartender was actually telling the truth and the party isn't locked into another dungeon! What a nice change of pace! (50 exp)
Total: 2150 exp

Misc:- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)
- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (50 exp)- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)- Diplomancy bonus (50 exp)- High as Fuck bonus (50 exp)- I Immediately Regret This Decision bonus (50 exp)- Ludicrous Gore bonus (50 exp)- Next to Godliness bonus (50 exp)
Total: 950 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Charles - 100 exp)
- Caller (James - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Fraser - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Will - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Kitty - 100 exp)
- Guard (Tom - 100 exp)
- Tracker (Andy - 100 exp)
- Snackbringer (Charles, Fraser - 100 exp ea.)
- Art Attack bonus (Charles, Tom - 100 exp ea.)
- Attacco d'Arte bonus (Tom - 100 exp)
- Artapalooza bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Disease acquired bonus (POWERLAD!, Captain Book, ZARAT - 100 exp ea.)
Near Death Experience bonus (Insanity Mammoth - 100 exp)
Rumours:
- I forgot to give you rumours! Next time, I promise!

Death Toll and Injuries:
- Insanity Mammoth, broken collarbone along with permanent stat damage

Exp Totals:
- Andy / Captain Book, Level 4 Specialist (Pirate): 8627 (Level up at 12000)
- Kitty / 
POWERLAD!, Level 3 Muscle Wizard: 8175 (Level up at 9000)
- Fraser / Nix Neckbiter, Level 3 Barbarian: 7616 (Level up at 8000)
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 3 Cleric (Termaxian): 6866 (Level up at 7000)- Tom / Insanity Mammoth, Level 3 Barbarian: 5192 (Level up at 8000)
- Charles / ZARAT, Level 3 Ratman: 4739 (Level up at 6000)
- James / Sergei, Level 1 Specialist (Poisoner): 632 (Level up at 1500)

Absent or Retired:
- James / William Fox-Shitt, Level 3 Cleric (Zeanist): 4571 (Level up at 7000)- Henry / Blue Jon Goujon, Level 3 Magic-User: 7132 (Level up at 9000)

Sunday, 2 April 2017

Retrospective 13 - TPK Post-Mortem

The players assault Mt Death Frost with a frontal attack, armed with a siege tower and Sophia's ability to subjugate all skeletons they faced.
They manage to make it into the fortress itself, and next session Lulu arrives with a Barbarian army at her back.

And they all died.

It was the perfect TPK really. A mixture of bad luck and bad choices where they had plenty of warning of the danger. It felt like it was solely player agency that led to their demise.

But it's funny. While up until the end I was all "haha I'm really going to twist the knife on this one! They fucked up bad!" I still thought they'd pull through and bullshit a way out of their mess somehow. They'd always managed it before.
Unfortunately they messed with the evil altar and managed to summon forth its huge intentionally-overpowered protector... for a second session in a row. This sandwiched them between said protector and the powerful Dead I had expected to chase them as they struggled to find a way out of the complex.

Alas.

And I discover, "huh, I guess it does feel weird to keep going with new characters straight after a TPK".
I can sort of see why a TPK ends campaigns sometimes. It feels final.

So as a sort of soft reboot and an excuse to jettison retired characters and start afresh, we wind the timeline forward half a century! Reskinned vaguely historical 1600 here we come!
To cover for the time I needed to make adjustments and update everything to this new flintlock-equipped reality, we start off with a weird Time Loop gimmick in Scenic Dunnsmouth. I've run it once before as a one-shot which went super well, so I was excited to try a whole lot of different Dunnsmouths.

The gimmick was this:
- Before the game, the DM generates several Dunnsmouths.
- Everybody rolls up two characters and chooses their favourite. The rest go into a stack.
- If a PC dies in Dunnsmouth, the time loop resets!
- The dead player keeps their PC and everything they had on their person at point of death, everyone else gets a random character with just starting equipment.
- Uncle Ivan and Magda count as PCs for the time reset.

The Ivan/Magda reset was supposed to have a few interesting effects. Magda would remember ill treatment by the players if they went "fuck loops, no consequences!". Ivan was supposed to be scary because you can't stop him without effectively losing progress, and he's torturing people slowly because he knows a quick death will just reset the loop again.
In the end it didn't matter that much, since the players broke out of Dunnsmouth after a couple of sessions anyway. Oh well!

It worked out pretty good. Kind of a weird "what the hell is going on?!" feeling for everyone, and gave a plausible excuse for the player's lack of knowledge about the world 50 years on.
The only person who was dissatisfied with the gimmick was Tom, because he'd gone so far as to buy and paint a little miniature for his new level 1 character. Too hopeful perhaps, but it didn't really gel with PC randomisation.

The main escape happened when a sub-group of players went to investigate the Van Kaus secret shame, finding a blocked-off cave.
Inside, the game's FIRST EVER dragon! Just the head, as big as a truck, sticking out of a metal collar built into the wall. Asleep. They grabbed a bunch of gold and left, even though I gave them an option to worship the thing for Perdition-style patron bonuses.

By session 130 they've headed off into the woods to the north, hoping to find their way to civilisation and see what's going on. In the last session before this retrospective, they manage to clear a nice little lair-type dungeon under a creepy oak tree, which nicely set the tone for the forest itself!

We end up with a few cute things happening post-timeskip.
Kitty creates POWERLAD!, son of Kitty's Necromancer Sophia and her in-game fan favourite husband POWERMAN! Similarly, Ollie creates Andromeda Buffy Spiderbite, daughter of his previous character Lulu.
It turns out the backstory stuff has sort of allowed inter-character romance to be a thing that people are ok with happening in the game now. They're of similar ages and there's obvious potential chemistry there. Maybe they'll get together!

Possibly the most ridiculous thing that happens post-timeskip is that POWERLAD


And Charles painted me a watercolour rendition of game events! This group is fucking awesome.

Mini-Reviews

Random Encounter Tables
Just a general shoutout for how great random encounter tables are. I managed to spin two whole sessions of gameplay out of a couple of random rolls and the players' shenanigans.

Super Lucky Cat
A weird little number from Secret Santicore 2014. Reskinned to the early modern era, naturally. And I made the big weird cat into a big weird rat, and the White Milk from this adventure made it onto my drugs table.
A small, self-contained, weird adventure.
I had the Undercity from one of the One Page Dungeon contests between the "Persian" restaurant and the place where the ratmen were milking/processing a rat broodmother for the delicious White Milk drug. Some days later, someone realised the Simpsons did it first. Damn! I mean... just as planned!

Fortress Deathfrost
The fortress that claimed a party!
I designed it to be an active fortification where the party would have to be real careful not to attract attention inside, lest the forces of the Dead catch wind of their presence and come to wipe them out.
Maybe try and sneak in Splinter Cell style. Maybe drop in from above. Maybe run in under the cover of a bigger distraction. Anything!
But each and every time any party approached the castle, they did it noisy and loud and attention-grabbing. And so each and every time they had been rebuffed.
This is perhaps a reason they went back, the mountain looms large in the group's collective memory. Many have tried, many have failed.
This time was the fourth or fifth time a group's attacked the fortress... and it killed them all.
Maybe I'll post it some day.

Scenic Dunnsmouth
I've said a whole lot about this already! It was really good these extra times round, especially since I got to use several iterations of the place.

The Vile Worm
A nice little adventure which I actually really enjoyed! Lots of bits and pieces for players to bounce off, an ugly worm thing to kill, and a crazy old man and his pets. A fair whack of treasure, too.
And then when they leave the tree itself attacks! How terrifying!
Obviously skip the shit railroad bit at the beginning. Just put it on the map and it's there if the players go there. My group just sort of stumbled into it naturally in the forest which was convenient!

Saturday, 1 April 2017

Session 130 - Imagine Dragons

A lot happened this week! Mostly the discovery that POWERLAD!'s new summon-an-imaginary-creature power allows him to summon a MASSIVE IMAGINARY DRAGON.

Also - some innocent people are saved (?) and an evil worm god thing is killed (!) are the party actually GOOD GUYS NOW!?


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- Charles shows an insight into ZARAT's very mind!

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- Charles illustrates the session while remembrancing! What a champ.

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- I fanart my own game



Session 130 - Imagine Dragons

Campaign Date:
Last Day, 30 March, 1660
Moon Phase: Full
Zodiac: Pisces

New Backstory:
- Blue John Goujon was addicted to drugs, but his stash ran out when he was on an unexpectedly extended mountain patrol. He was forced to go cold turkey. (Doubled effects from drugs)
- Nix Neckbiter was raised by barbarians after the deaths of her family, spending her inheritance generously on her new family (+1 Charisma)
- POWERLAD! grew up listening to the heroic exploits of his parents... and it scared the shit out of him. (+1 AC in pitch black)
- Cecil Fulbright has remarkably lovely breasts for a man, a source of great pride. His "style" turned heads in the town where he grew up. (+2 to Reaction rolls when wearing clean, stylish clothes)
- Captain Book has an unrequited fascination with Cecil's fulsome man-bosom. Lust, love, what's the difference? He just wants to give him a good bookin'. The spirit of Cranky Jim looks down and smiles. (When Cecil is damaged, Captain Book can jump in the way and take double damage instead)

Enemies Defeated:- A bearskin full of worms (100 exp)
- An old man (50 exp)
- His "dog" (25 exp)
- His "cat" (25 exp)
- A gribbly tentacle-faced worm (100 exp)
Total: 300 exp

Treasure and Equipment:
- 221gp, 1153sp, 2450cp (12448 exp)
- A bear pelt in two halves
- A low quality two-handed axe
- Iron ring with keys
- Flask of terrible moonshine
- Brass torc with dragon faces covered in gold leaf (100 exp)
- 2 large agates (60 exp)
Total: 12608 exp

Exploration:
- Travelled 6 or so miles (20 exp)
- 1 Random Encounter (50 exp)
- First party to enter the Worm-Oak (100 exp)
Total: 170 exp

Events:
- The quest to find the green dragon continues, with the team's Halfling guide leading the way along a raised grassy elf-road marked by cairns. (50 exp)
- And on that grassy road... a bear skin? POWERLAD! investigates, figuring a bearskin robe sounds neato. (50 exp)
- As he gets close, a fanged worm bursts from an eyehole and bites at his chest! Oh no! More worms swarm from the bear as the first tastes blood! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD! punch-casts his new spell, Phantasmal Force! It allows the caster to summon an illusory version of any creature they've previously seen... "Hey so we saw that massive dragon last session right?" (50 exp)
- As an imaginary mile-long dragon crashes down behind POWERLAD!, the others rush in! In the fighting, Cecil accidentally calls POWERLAD! by his given name - Pablo. (50 exp)
- The worms pass their roll to disbelieve the dragon illusion as its jaws come crashing down, despite slithering away rapidly. Guess they? Cecil chases with his staff, dealing massive damage and tearing the bearskin to shreds! The inner worms are exposed! (50 exp)
- ZARAT and Nix finish it off, with a one-two combo. The wormbeast is dead. ZARAT flicks the last few worms wiggling out of the skull away. POWERLAD! and ZARAT fight over the now-tattered bearskin. (50 exp)
- They each get half, ZARAT in particular getting the bit with the skull. POWERLAD! donates the other half to the Halfling Guide to persuade him to keep guiding the group through the woods. (50 exp)
- The group head on, reaching a 3-way fork in the elf road marked by a large cairn. There are elves watching from the trees, and the Halfling says not to look at them or they shoot you. Everyone keeps their eyes down. (50 exp)
- Follow the elf road and you'll reach a mouldman village, which noooobody wants to do. North through the forest it is! (50 exp)
- Trudging through the moist and boggy forest, the party reach a wide marshy area with big dark oak tree in the centre of it. An old man is nearby, looking haggard and unwashed. (50 exp)
- He whistles for his dog, a big ol' wolf, and while it seems barely under his control it let's POWERLAD! and Blue John pet it without biting them. (50 exp)
- Conversation results in ZARAT trading his worm-ridden bearskin for permission to let the party sleep in the hermit's house in the hollow of the oak. (50 exp)
- Blue John cantrips a closer look at the tree - it's got a sort of humany face and crackedy tree limbs like arms. A tree that grew to look a little like a person. (50 exp)
- He offers the party weird food of the bog like frogs and eel jerky, it is devoured eagerly. Meanwhile, the old man tells the party all about the worm god he feeds, and asks them to bring him any children they may find in their travels. (50 exp)
- Cecil wanders outside while Captain Book regales the old man with lurid tales. He casts Detect Evil - the whole tree is evil! (50 exp)
- Nevertheless, the party sleeps. They are disturbed in the night by the old man sneaking around, clearly trying to tie up the Halfling for probable worm-feeding reasons. Blue John asks him if he's going out hunting, to which he replies "uuuuh yea sure that's what I was doing". (50 exp)
- Blue John and the hermit head out to hunt, wolf in tow. Meanwhile, Nix Neckbiter up in the tree is awoken by a large lynx! It scratches her a whole lot! (50 exp)
- ZARAT scurries outside and up the tree, going against type to run towards a cat. He kicks it straight out of the tree! (50 exp)
- Cecil gets a heal spell ready and the cat-scratched Nix runs in to get his sweet breast-blessing. ZARAT chucks his pocket nails at the ground, hoping to halt the wolf and old man should they attack (50 exp)
- The hermit, who's been denying that he's got anything to do with the lynx this whole time, finally goes "ah well fuck ok, it's my cat" and begins impotently attacking Blue John! (50 exp)
- He's supposed to be a classed Barbarian who goes into a Barbarian rage, but he's as effective as a wet rag so maybe he was just an old hermit after all (50 exp)
- Captain Book attempts several cool combat manouevres against the cat but it's BIG AND SCRATCHY and just scratches the shit out of his face and hands. (50 exp)
- Everyone's fucking up their gambits really. The wolf runs into the nailbed so Nix tries to flick coals from the fire into its eyes, instead blinding herself! (50 exp)
- The cat and the dog are defeated soon after, The dog with a crossbow bolt from POWERLAD! and the cat with Cecil's deft staffwork. Good times! (50 exp)
- The old man is ANGERY REACTS ONLY but still flails impotently. Blue John is also flailing impotently, soon getting hit by an errant crossbow bolt from POWERLAD! Oops. (50 exp)
- While the two tussle fruitlessly in the bog, Cap'n Book starts roasting the cat's body over the fire. "Now that's some hot pussy". Indeed. (50 exp)
- The old man's having a terrible time, accidentally ripping his pants and revealing his wrinkly bits. Henry insists on rolling 2d6 for length. "He's got a RAGING boner!". Arf arf. (50 exp)
- ZARAT tries to get involved and slips on an eel, falling into the bog. The old man's impotent rage sustains him! (50 exp)
- Everyone else seems to have lost interest in the flaccid fight. POWERLAD! drags the wolf over to the fire to begin cooking it alongside Book's dead cat. Cecil goes to wash his clothes in the cleanest bit of water he can find. (50 exp)
- The hermit finally dies when Blue John smacks him over the head. Captain Book insists on cooking his wrinkly crotch-jerky. It is an obsession. (50 exp)
- The old man's leaf pile bed is searched. There's stuff there! An unlocked chest contains money and some keys, plus there's a big gnarly two-handed battleaxe made from a big stick and a rusty blade. (50 exp)
- The party feast upon the various hot meats. Afterwards the trapdoor in the centre of the tree floor, discovered earlier by "accidentally" moving the wooden log seat, is opened and the party descend within. (50 exp)
- Oh man there's a whole little room down here, with a woman and child in cages! The child is like the first person ever who sees ZARAT and thinks he looks cute. ZARAT lets them out with the keys he found. (50 exp)
- There's a hole in the middle of this room and a bell on the other side. Clearly a dinner bell! Blue John rings it... and a big ol' wormy thing with face tentacles pops out of the hole! (50 exp)
- POWERLAD!'s dragon summoning punch is attempted once again, and the whole roof of the dungeon is ripped off, revealing a howling void full of stars! The dragon is there, immense and impossibly powerful! It clamps its jaws around the worm, murdering the worm instantly! (50 exp)
- Or so the worm thinks, falling back down the shaft. Maybe later it will realise that it's not actually dead. (50 exp)
- The party investigate down the hole, finding a half-eaten half-alive guy and a toooon of treasure that's been offered to the worm god over the years. (50 exp)
- After a brief singalong of "throw the worm down the well", some oil and fire is chucked down deeper into the cavern to hopefully cook the worm and the treasure is grabbed and ferried out of the hole. (50 exp)
- The party leave... but the tree itself wants revenge! It starts smacking anybody it can get its limbs on... poorly. One of its branches snaps off, although it does manage to bewitch POWERLAD! with some cheeky mind control. (50 exp)
- "Fuck that!", say all. Captain Book plays the party off, while others just drag POWERLAD! away from his newly beloved tree. Nix tries to burn the tree down but fucks up. It's a shambles. (50 exp)
- ZARAT is the last to leave, getting whomped to 0HP for his trouble. Luckily for him, he manages to scamper away without passing out! Everyone just wades off towards dry land as quickly as possible. Escape! (50 exp)
Total: 2100 exp

Misc:- AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa bonus (50 exp)
- Absolutely Disgusting bonus (50 exp)- Aggressive Negotiations bonus (50 exp)- Balls to the Wall bonus (50 exp)- Breach and Clear bonus (50 exp)- Brutal Kill bonus (50 exp)- Dramatic Battle bonus (50 exp)- Kill It With Fire bonus (50 exp)- Noblebright bonus (50 exp)- PETA bonus (50 exp)- Pundemonium bonus (50 exp)- Ridiculously Bad Rolling bonus (50 exp)- This! Is! Sparta! bonus (50 exp)- Trapsetter bonus (50 exp)- WWE bonus (50 exp)- OHKO'd a Badass Enemy (100 exp)Total: 850 exp

Party Roles and Individual Exp:
- Remembrancer (Charles - 100 exp)
- Caller (Andy - 100 exp)
- Mapper (Fraser - 100 exp)
- Treasurer (Will - 100 exp)
- Quartermaster (Kitty - 100 exp)
- Guard (Henry - 100 exp ea.)
- Snackbringer (Charles, Fraser, Henry, Andy - 100 exp ea.)
- Art Attack bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Attacco d'Art bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
- Artapalooza bonus (Charles - 100 exp)
Near Death Experience bonus (ZARAT - 100 exp)
Rumours:
- Nothing formal, but I guess there's mould men about?

Death Toll and Injuries:
- None, somehow!

Exp Totals:
- Andy / Captain Book, Level 4 Specialist (Pirate): 7895 (Level up at 12000)*DING!* +1d6 HP! +2 Skill Points!
- Kitty / 
POWERLAD!, Level 3 Muscle Wizard: 7443 (Level up at 9000)
- Henry/ Blue Jon Goujon, Level 3 Magic-User: 7132 (Level up at 9000)
*DING!* +1d4 HP! +1 level 2 spell/day!
- Fraser / Nix Neckbiter, Level 3 Barbarian: 6884 (Level up at 8000)
- Will / Cecil Fulbright, Level 3 Cleric (Termaxian): 6234 (Level up at 7000)
- ZARAT, Level 3 Ratman: 3707 (Level up at 6000)
*DING!* +1d6 HP! Max rats - 4!
*DING!* +1d6 HP! Max rats - 9!